Target

March 6, 2011
By Ryter, Warwick, New York
Ryter, Warwick, New York
0 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today is a Gift, that is why it is called the Present.


Summary:

Ex-firefighter, Emmit Anderson, woks for the government after the accident. When he is entrusted with top secret government information, he doesn't know what he's getting into. Nobody was supposed to suspect a government desk worker, but they were wrong.


Ryter

Target


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This book has 25 comments.


on Mar. 11 2011 at 10:30 am
singingwriter14 BRONZE, Chester, New York
2 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Some days you're the statue. Some days you're the pigeon."

Just the tenses. I went from the present to the past without really any transition. I understood it after the first few sentences though.

Ryter said...
on Mar. 10 2011 at 6:11 am
Ryter, Warwick, New York
0 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today is a Gift, that is why it is called the Present.

Thanks! I'll try to make it a little less confusing. And I don't plan on making it like the other love stories so have no fear >:)

charmiypiggy said...
on Mar. 10 2011 at 5:04 am
charmiypiggy, Melbourne, Other
0 articles 0 photos 116 comments

Favorite Quote:
You eat food for the enjoyment of it; the fact that it helps you stay alive is just a bonus.

This is great! Though it is somewhat cliche. I mean, who hasn't heard of the spy who falls in love with the target? Hopefully, your plot will be different to how it normally plays out. I think that the flow of conversation was a little awkward, and that the pacing was somewhat quicker than I'm used to. I agree that the part with the flashback is a little confusing; you should indicate somehow when he has the flashback. There aren't many mistakes, but the structure of some sentences made it seem choppy. Also, I would have thought that Bernice would be a little... colder, seeing as how she's an assassin. Perhaps you should delay the time when she realises she loves him. I just think that it happens to quickly. Other than that, this was pretty good. Great job! 

Ryter said...
on Mar. 9 2011 at 9:09 pm
Ryter, Warwick, New York
0 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, and Today is a Gift, that is why it is called the Present.

Thanks! Ugh! I can't wait until my teacher reads this so I can put up my next chapter!!! What exactly were you confused about? Like, should I have double spaced between the beginning & end of the flashback or did it not show up in italics?

on Mar. 9 2011 at 9:06 pm
singingwriter14 BRONZE, Chester, New York
2 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Some days you're the statue. Some days you're the pigeon."

This is a really good story so far. Good job! I was just a little confused when Emmit had a flashback, but that's pretty much it. Keep up the good work. :-)


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