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Broken Souls

Author's note: i realize this isnt very origanal at all, but im trying to use some previously failed ideas...  Show full author's note »
Author's note:

i realize this isnt very origanal at all, but im trying to use some previously failed ideas and make them work, positive feedback and constructive criticism is much appreciated, if you just plain don't like it, go read something else

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Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 Next »


Everything was a blur… I could hear a wind blowing through the trees… I opened my eyes everything was blurry. But I could tell I was in a forest…I faded out of consciousness… I heard a voice… sounded female but I couldn’t tell what she was saying.
When I woke up next I was in a bed in a room I’d never seen before. I sat up and looked around. The window was letting in enough light to see everything in the room, there wasn’t much a wooden dresser, a table with some candles placed on it along with a pair of clothes. The door opened and a young girl stepped through, holding a plate of food and a cup. “Oh good, you’re awake.” She smiled.
“Yeah… um… where… where am I?” She placed the food and drink on the table beside the bed.
“You’re in my home; my mother found you in the woods outside the village… passed out.”
“Oh.” She had long dark hair and a cute face; she couldn’t have been older than sixteen and was wearing a simple green cotton dress.
“So… What’s your name?” she asked.
“My name is…My name is…” I couldn’t remember…I couldn’t remember anything… “I… can’t remember.”
“If you don’t want to tell me it’s okay, you don’t have to make up an excuse.” She sounded a bit offended, but was obviously trying to hide it.
“No, really I can’t remember my name… I can’t… remember anything.” Who… who am I?
“Really… well… what were you doing in the woods?”
“I don’t know… actually, why was your mother in the woods when she found me?”
“She was looking for ingredients… she’s an alchemist.”
“Yeah, she makes medicine and potions. We’ve… probably helped every family in the village at least once in the last year.”
“Yes… well… I have chores to get back to… Stay here and rest, see if you can remember anything, I’ll tell mother how you’re doing.”
“Thank you.”
“My name is Saichi by the way.”
“Oh sorry I… guess I forgot to ask.” She smiled and walked out. As I ate the food she’d left and tried to think and remember… something… anything… but nothing came… I fell asleep shortly after that.
As I slept I dreamt a bit I guess, I couldn’t remember most of it when I woke up, but I remembered hearing a name… I guess it was my name… When I woke up, it was morning. I got out of bed and put on the clothes on the table, a pair of well-fitting cotton pants and a slightly tight, dark blue long sleeve shirt… and some… armor? There was some light metal armor underneath the clothes, a chest plate and two Vambraces. There was also a pair of plated boots under the table. I left the armor where it was. I left the room and walked out to the small hallway to an open room, the living room I guessed. The house was relatively small, but it had a cozy feel to it the furniture was mostly wood, carved, but well made. There was a stone fire place with sizable stacks of wood placed on either side.
I could hear the sounds of dishes being moved coming from a doorway, there was a lot of sunlight flooding through when I walked through the doorway. I saw a woman by the sink. For a moment I thought she was Saichi, she looked very similar to her but then I realized that she was significantly older. “Um… good… good morning.” She turned and smiled.
“Oh, good morning dear.”
“You’re Saichi’s mother, yes?”
“I am, come, sit.” She gestured to a small dining table.
“Thank you.” I sat down at the table and she brought me some water and food. Then she went to continue with the dishes she had been cleaning.
“Thank you… for… well everything”
“It’s quite alright dear, though if it’s okay with you I’d like to ask you a few things.”
“…Alright, I’ll answer… what I can.”
“Thank you dear.” After I finished with my food, (It was a bit cold; I guess I slept through breakfast.) And she’d finished with her work; she came and sat across from me.
“Saichi told me that you said you couldn’t remember anything, is that right?”
“Yes… though I have remembered one thing… At least I think I have. My name… I couldn’t answer Saichi when she asked for it yesterday… but I guess I remembered it while I slept…”
“So what is it dear?”
“My name… My name is Nao.”
“You don’t sound sure of that…”
“I’m not.”
“Do you remember your sir name?”
“No, just my given”
“Oh… do you remember anything else? Like if you have any relatives, or where your home might be?” I thought hard for a bit and tried to remember but couldn’t.
“No… Sorry I don’t.” there was a long silence.
Then she asked, “Did you used to be a soldier or a knight?”
“That armor that was under your clothes in your room… You were wearing it when I found you.”
“Oh… It was mine? I didn’t recognize it.”
“Yes, you also had a sword. It’s by the closet in your room.” There was a long silence as I thought about whom I might have been and why I would have needed these things “Do you have anywhere to go? Do you know what you’re going to do?”
“No… I’d like to know who I was and… why I had those things… But…” where would I start?
She smiled gently. “Well, you may stay here if you wish, at least at least until things get settled and you decide on what to do.”
I smiled “Thank you ma’am, thank you so much.”
She smiled. “You’ll have to pull your weight around here though, work like the rest of us.”
“Of course… wait… rest of us… are there more here than just you and Saichi?”
“Well… No… My husband is off fighting in the army…” She seemed troubled by the question, so I didn’t press questions about him, but it got me curious. Fighting? Army? Was there a war? I guess I’ll ask Saichi later.
“Um… this may sound like a strange question… but what country are we in?”
“You don’t know?” I shook my head, “You’re in Rokneer”
“Rokneer… where is that?”
“I think we have a map around here somewhere.” She got up to look for it and returned briefly after, with it. She laid out the map on the table, “This is Rokneer.” She pointed to a small land locked country dotted with lakes and a bit to the east of the map, which was mostly land masses, so it must have been a map of just the continent “And this is where we are.” She pointed to an empty place in Rokneer.
“There’s… nothing there?” she laughed lightly
“Yes, our village is small and relatively recently settled, my husband’s grandfather was still young when this town was settled, but compared to many of the other villages it’s still fairly young.”
“I see.” I studied the map, the countries were all in strange shapes and I had never heard of them, where am I really?
“So… can you remember where you might be from?”
“No, to be honest… I’ve never even heard of these countries.”
“Oh” There was a pause then “Well if you’re going to be staying here it’s time you get to work.” She smiled.
“Oh… sure, no problem.”
“Go out behind the house and help Saichi tend the garden, would you dear?”
“Sure… oh… um… what should I call you?”
“Ah, I forgot to introduce myself, you can call me Mrs. Yuuki”
“Okay, well I’ll get going on the garden.” She nodded, got up and walked off to the other room; I went back to my own and put on my plated boots and walked outside. I walked out the door; the sun was hot and blinding, as my eyes adjusted to the bright light I noticed the village around me. There where houses around, they were all made of logs and had thick straw roofs. The land was flat enough that I could see most of the village from where I was. There were a few particularly large building around, I assumed they were shops, as I made my way around the house, I saw the garden, I was expecting to see crops, but it looked more like a flower garden, with all kinds of strange assorted plants, there was a small fence around the entire thing, it looked like it was made out of branches rather then cut wood. A bit strange but I didn’t think much of it, there was a small gate not far from the side of the house, I walked through and noticed Saichi as she tended to the plants.
“Hey… Saichi.”
She turned her head and smiled at me, “hey there stranger, how are you feeling?” I smiled.
“Better, your mother told me to come help you with the garden.”
“Well then I could use the help, could you fill this pail with water? There’s a small stream just beyond the garden.”
“Sure.” I went as instructed and found the stream. There were flowers growing on the sides of it and bugs buzzing about, there also seemed to be a strange… glowing to the water. As I examined the stream I noticed that though the stream was several feet deep I could see straight to the bottom and that the water was almost perfectly clear. The bed of the stream was slightly reflective and the light bounced back up through the water. When I returned I asked Saichi about it, she said that she didn’t know much about it but that she had always found it beautiful. I agreed. “What are all of the plants?” I asked. There were all kinds of strange plants in the garden, some were magnificent flowers, some frankly looked like black shriveled shrubs, and some actually looked like miniature trees. She tended to each of them with a different method.
“They’re different ingredients for my mother’s alchemy recipes.”
“Yeah, she taught me to grow all of them.”
“Wait, you grew all of this yourself?”
“No, but I’ve been helping mother with them for as long as I can remember. I started tending to them myself a few years ago.” There was a pause as I examined some of the different plants, when I touched a purple one with a white stem, the white stuck to my finger. It was sticky and smelled strong enough to make me sneeze. Saichi laughed at me.
“Ugh, what is this? It smells so familiar.”
She smiled. “It’s lavender.”
“Oh so this is what lavender looks like. It’s used in alchemy?”
“Yeah, it helps with fatigue and nervousness when used properly.”
“Hmh, I didn’t know that.”
“Yep” She went on tending the plants and gave me instructions on what I could do to help. She even taught me how to take care of a few of the easier ones. Honestly I couldn’t memorize most of it, but it was an interesting experience.
Eventually she asked “So did you ever decide on a name for yourself?”
“Yeah… I guess I remembered it last night…”
“You guess? Are you sure or not?’
“No, not really”
“Well what is it?”
“My name is… Nao… At least I think it is.”
“Hmh, what is your sir name?”
“I… Don’t know…”
“Hmh, well, it’s nice to meet you Nao,” she smiled, “I’m Saichi Yuuki.” I smiled.
“Nice to meet you.” When she finished, it was nearly sunset.
“Alright, it’s time to head in.”
“Alright” We headed inside; Mrs. Yuuki had gotten dinner ready. After we ate I went on a walk around the village. Saichi decided to show me around.
We walked outside, the sun just over the horizon. She showed me where the shops were and the local inn. “So… How old are you?” She asked.
“Well, you don’t look much older than me, so I was curious.”
“Oh…” I thought for a moment… eventually a number came to mind, “I’m… I’m seventeen.”
“Ah, I figured you were about that.”
“Hmh” There was a pause; we were walking back to the house. “Oh… um… Your mother said I could… stay at your house for a bit until I get some memories back… Or decide what I am going to do.”
“Ah, alright”
“…Are you… Okay with that?”
“Did you think I wouldn’t be?”
“No… well… maybe, I wouldn’t think most people would be.” She smiled.
“Hmh, well, you seem like a nice guy, and we could use the help around the house and on errands, so it’s fine.” I smiled I was lucky to have met such nice people. We went inside and parted to our rooms. It took me a while, with so many things on my mind, but eventually I fell asleep.
When I woke, I was on the verge of screaming, was I having a nightmare? I couldn’t remember. In any case, I was glad that I didn’t actually scream. I wouldn’t want Saichi and her mom worrying about me anymore than I’m sure they already do.
Over the next month, I continued to stay with Saichi and her mother, I helped around the house, tended the garden with Saichi, ran a few errands, I even met the local Blacksmith. He showed me a few of his best swords, even let me hold one… when I took it in my hand… it felt right like my muscles knew exactly what to do with it… It scared me a bit so I gave it back quickly.
In the next few days, Mrs. Yuuki introduced me to a friend of hers, a hunter named Jin. “You ever been hunting boy?” he asked in a thick accent, though I couldn’t place where the accent might be from. He was quite large, tall, thickly built, and he had a tough face. His long red hair was tied back in a horse tail.
“No… I don’t think so.”
“What? Every good man should know how to hunt. Do you even know how to shoot a bow?”
“…No…” He looked like I had just said something ridiculous. There was a long pause.
“Would you mind if I brought the boy along with me on the next few hunting trips? He needs to learn to survive on his own.” Mrs. Yuuki smiled.
“Not at all, I think he should learn as well.”
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 Next »

Join the Discussion

This book has 24 comments. Post your own now!

nakubara This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 2, 2014 at 9:01 pm
You are a great writer! Good job!
Kieth said...
May 8, 2013 at 2:29 pm
Deffinetly a facinating concept you have going here. Your pace of events ans story match the enviroment of the story, however i recommend a bit More detail and discription to make this really POP!   But i like it, i see great things in this. Keep it up!
Stein-kun replied...
May 8, 2013 at 2:33 pm
i tried not to go too much into detail for fear of slowing down the pace of the story, but in the final version (this is a rough draft) there will definately be more detail 
Kieth replied...
May 8, 2013 at 6:16 pm
Well as a writer Detail is a very important element of any story. Draft or not its something i had trouble with detail when i began so i RPed. It helped a lot and i can now write detail without slowing the pace. You should try to better yourself, im lazy and i somehow pulled it off XD
Stein-kun replied...
May 8, 2013 at 6:19 pm
i dont have a problem with it, i limit myself as i have been bored to tears with detail, even in really good stories
TheDarkSideOfMe said...
May 6, 2013 at 9:23 am
i really l-ike this-sunny
Haden_Stein,King_Of_All_Strange said...
Apr. 29, 2013 at 12:11 pm
hey guys, and girls and others and anyone else who ctually follows this thing, having some block on where i want to go from here so i cant promis the next release date, but ill try to get it out within the next three weeks
SooBlueNight said...
Apr. 29, 2013 at 12:05 pm
luv it cant wait for the next chapter
Momo-The_Awesome said...
Apr. 23, 2013 at 7:31 am
I love this story. Terriffice job Stein.
Stein said...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 12:05 pm
hello all, chapter four is well on its way in will be posted within the next week or two, check on fridays if the book is pending approval or if a new chapter has already been added
romanticpoet said...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 2:11 am
it was simply great
BlurAngel said...
Apr. 7, 2013 at 2:41 pm
Loved it,, its amazing, am also working on a novel and i think it would turn out well but i could need some help from you..
Elizabeth156 replied...
Apr. 7, 2013 at 3:24 pm
it was a good book :)  
Stein replied...
Apr. 7, 2013 at 6:23 pm
ill help any time but im not sure how i could...
BlurAngel replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 8:16 am
You could help by telling me what needs to be changed to make it better, but its still been reviewed but in the mean-time you can check out my poems and tell me what you think about them
Stein replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:01 am
ok, ill see what i can do but im really not one for poetry... but ill try anyway! :3
BlurAngel replied...
Apr. 8, 2013 at 9:21 am
thank you  
SweetApplePie said...
Apr. 7, 2013 at 1:37 am
I reaaaaaly loved this, omg nao is a demon, wow.
gglovesya said...
Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:53 am
this is actually realy cool. i really liked reading it:) cool imagination!!:)
Stein said...
Apr. 4, 2013 at 2:42 am
chapter 4 on the way people! stay posted

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