Feeing stressed and overwhelmed? Small talk got you down? Tired of being expected to maintain useless conversation with semi-strangers? Not to fear! Just follow the foolproof guide below and never have to talk to anyone ever again, guaranteed.

1. Stare intently into your opponent's eyes. Your goal is to channel your inner x-Ray vision and make it all the way through the back of his or her skull. Squinting can help emphasize this.

2. Grunt, nod, and shake your head violently at all the appropriate times. By this I mean constantly. If you are silent or still, something is wrong.

3. If you're feeling more passive aggressive, soft groaning can achieve the same effect.

4. Break into hysterical laughter abruptly at least twice. Extra points if your opponent is discussing a death in the family.

5. When it is your turn to speak, use six hand gestures for every word and ask, "Don't you know what I mean?" every ten seconds. Getting this timing down takes practice, so don't be discouraged if it takes a few tries.

6. Chew gum as obnoxiously as possible. Leaving your mouth hanging open between smacks is a must. The ultimate goal is to get the gum soft enough to blow a massive bubble that pops on your face. Practice in front of the mirror until you can lick it off with your tongue.

7. Don't forget it's common courtesy to carry several packs of used gum around and offer them to your opponent. It's usually best to have a variety of flavors and ages.

8. Interrupt your opponent frequently (a good range is between four and eleven seconds, depending on how fast he or she talks) to say, "SOOOO relatable!" If this gets boring, "Literally me", "My life every day", "OMG no way", and "MAGNIFICENT!" convey the same meaning.

9. If you take a foreign language, offer to extend your knowledge to your opponent. Remember you rarely need to ask permission for this as people are always open to learning new things. You might be surprised how much of an impact a "Tu eres feo" or "Mi vaca es tu vaca" can have on someone's day.

10. Last but not least, really play the sickness card. Practice at home until you can sneeze, cough, vomit, and hyperventilate convincingly. Just remember that the world is your tissue and you should have no problems.

Happy conversing!