A JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA
GIRL 1: Nice yoga pants! Are you wearing them for comfort?
GIRL 2: What? Of course not! I’m wearing them to distract all the boys in my classes from their work.
GIRL 1: Ah, yes. They will be much to busy looking at your butt to concentrate on learning valuable lessons from our teachers.
GIRL 2: Duh! Everyone knows that boys have absolutely no control over themselves and have to look at any butt that is covered by tight pants.
GIRL 1: But what if the school tries to ban yoga pants?
GIRL 2: We’ll protest! Because girls love to whine about how society is constantly trying to make decisions for us, which totally doesn’t happen, but we like making people think it does.
GIRL 1: Men are stupid and awful!
GIRL 2: That’s what feminism is all about!

TWO TEENAGE BOYS
BOY 1: Gosh, I am just so bored. What should we do?
BOY 2: I know! We could be gay!
BOY 1: What? We can do that?
BOY 2: Of course! Everyone knows that homosexuality is a decision. It’s a great way to rebel against your parents and have fun doing it!
BOY 1: You know, I have always wanted to be a part of one of the most discriminated against demographics in our modern society.
BOY 2: And what better time to make that decision than in high school? You know, when you’re most likely to be bullied to the point of mental illness by your peers!
BOY 1: Well, that does sound awesome, but what about when we’re adults?
BOY 2: Then it gets even better! We can start demanding the government allows us to get married!
BOY 1: But why?
BOY 2: To destroy the sanctity of marriage, of course! Because there’s nothing gay people love more than destroying the sanctity of all marriage.
BOY 1: How can we get other people to do this as well?
BOY 2: Easy! Just talk to children. If a child sees a gay person, they will automatically also want to be gay. That’s the secondary part of our gay agenda: make other people gay.
BOY 1: What fun!

TWO COLLEGE SENIORS
SENIOR 1: I think I want to be a doctor after I graduate. What about you?
SENIOR 2: I’m going to be broke!
SENIOR 1: Why would you do that?
SENIOR 2: Because then, I can live off welfare.
SENIOR 1: Welfare? What’s that?
SENIOR 2: In America, if you’re poor, the government just gives you money. That way you don’t have to do any work, and instead can live your life as a leech.
SENIOR 1: That sounds so easy! How much money do you get?
SENIOR 2: Just enough to not starve to death. It’s awesome!
SENIOR 1: But where does all the money come from?
SENIOR 2: Mostly from taxes paid by the poor, put-upon millionaires and billionaires of this country! You know, the one’s with the super-difficult lives of being oppressed by the government!
SENIOR 1: Wow, this sounds so much better than working in a fulfilling job that I’ve always dreamed of having! Let’s sign up for welfare today!