The Impact of Thought in a Situation

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It was June 26th, 2008. I had just walked out of the kitchen with a slice of pizza in my hand, when surprisingly my parents called me and my sisters into the living room. Apparently, they had something important to say, so I sat and listened. At first, I thought my dad was joking, so my response, with a mouthful of pizza was “are you serious”. At that moment he looked straight at me with this hard to explain look, he was being quite stern, and I could tell he was troubled. So, I knew I had to suck it up, to relieve some of that bottled in stress, but I knew it wouldn’t make a recognizable difference. For, my dad is a worrisome guy; he always looks at the big picture, and leaves no room for the small, positive details of the situation. Despite what I said, my sister’s chose to be pretty open. Nadine, my older sister looked ecstatic, whereas Tala the younger one, let out a fountain of tears. Finally, after seeing my sisters blow their emotions out of place, I decided to do so as well.

What happened was I got really angry, and blew up, I remember getting so frustrated that I couldn’t even understand the words coming out of my mouth. It was an immature thing to do I know that now, but I was only 11 at the time so I’m pretty sure my family understood what I was going through. All I know now is that I regret blowing up, because the way my parents looked at me after I did it was depressing. My whole family was quiet after I said what I had to say, because I’m a relatively quiet guy in and out the boundaries of my house. I simply choose to keep to myself, because I feel that if someone doesn’t know you then they can’t affect you significantly. So, after all this frustration, and confusion me and my sisters went to our rooms. All I was thinking was why would they want to move us to Lebanon of all the places in the world, plus I was pretty gloomy about leaving Dubai. I mean I lived there for 8 years, I spent my whole childhood their. To sum it up what I left behind was a lifestyle, a daily routine that I happened to like. Now, I would have to adapt to Lebanon, and there’s only one thing I hate more than this country, and it is CHANGE.

The culture of my family is ambiguous; their reaction to a happening such as this is unidentifiable. It’s a diverse ethnicity as the various cultures of the world. My dad puts on a stone-cold mask, attempting a tough look always hiding his thoughts in the back of his head. My mom feels sympathy for her children, while her selfish thoughts will be thinking of all the obstacles she will have to overcome herself. My sister Nadine is stolid to the situation; she’s numb to the happenings. My sister Tala overreacts, and makes a huge drama out of it. During all this, I get a headache from all the mixed emotions, so I give a reaction, be it negative, positive, or vague; I just act so as to leave the room.

One floor. 140 square meters of living space, that was going to be the future house for me, my sisters, my mom, and my maid. I’m not trying to sound stuck-up, but I mean it’s a tiny space for 4 people, none under the age of 11. The worst part was, my dad was staying in Dubai. Reason being is that he thought his company was going to send him back to America for work, but my mom didn’t want to go back to America or stay in Dubai. So, apparently to them Lebanon was the logical choice. Which in a way surprised me, I mean this country only has a war every couple of years, but no, why should that stop us from living here. We would only be endangering our lives, no problem for my mom, since she could visit her sisters daily. Still, I felt sorry for her, I mean she was living without her husband, which I think ended up being quite hard for her. I regret many of the things I said and did to her when we first moved here, because she was raising us alone, having our dad visit 4 or 5 days, every 3 weeks. It must’ve drove her mad having to set up a whole new life in a different country, aside from the fact that she had to deal with 3 kids, and let’s admit it, dads have way more authority over his children, than moms do. I mean a dads just more straight forward with his kids, whereas my mom, she would avoid any word that might upset us. She doesn’t really believe in constructive criticism. Anyway, another thing I remember from that day was wondering how my sisters felt. I knew why Nadine was happy; she despised her life in Dubai, although it took me a while to understand why. She was the most popular freshman back in Dubai, but despite being popular I later saw that the only reason she was, was by acting. Everyday we lived there she faked everything she did, just to fit in, and after moving to Lebanon, I understand what kind of stress that puts on a person. On the other hand, Tala was, and still is to this day the most open, and direct person I have ever met. If there is something wrong with you that you may not see as a bad thing, but she does, she will tell you straight up what it is. That trait of hers was her biggest flaw, because of her being outspoken, she pushed every friend she ever had in Dubai away. This was the reason I thought it was odd that she cried when she heard we were moving, I think she was just scared.

I had lain in my bed for almost an hour that day, and as I walked out my room to go get a glass of water, my dad stopped me. At that moment in my life, he really said the last thing that I wanted to hear. He told me I had to go with him to the beach with my cousin and my uncle. Then as soon as he heard me refusing, he told that I’m going whether I liked it or not, and that’s the end of that. What a great thing to do right, I had blood red eyes from crying, and I had to go to a beach that only had one pool, that had salted water in it. What a great dad he was at that time. So, I went to this beach, my eyes kept burning in the water, my cousin kept trying to talk to me thinking I was happy I was going to spend more time with him, which I wasn’t. Probably because of the fact that at that time he was an immature child that didn’t know the state I was in at that time in my life, and we’ve never discussed that day since it passed either. So, I really still think he is still quite immature, and doesn’t understand how much he got on my nerve that day. When we got back home for dinner, I smelt something familiar. I ran up the stairs to my house to see what it was, as I was still a child and all, the smallest things could change the way I felt, and that day I was so grateful to have my mom. For, she did something that really turned my mood around, now you might think this is silly, but I forgot all about my miserable day just because I saw Chinese food on the dinner table. I loved Chinese food, and the fact that my mom did that for me really changed the way I look at that day, till now.

Everything I felt that day lasted throughout the year, but slowly I was able to look at the positives of the move, instead of the negatives. For example, I have grown 25cm since I moved here; I have matured both mentally and physically. I appreciate my family, and the simple things in life a whole lot more, but to get to the state of mind that I am in now, took me an immense amount of time. Well at least it seemed that way. The 3 years I have lived in Lebanon have felt longer than the 8 years I spent in Dubai. So many more experiences, good and bad, difficult and easy, that have affected the way I think in ways I could never imagine. Everyone close to me has recognized how I changed since I came to Lebanon. What I am trying to depict from my experience, is that change is only bad, if you see it that way. In the words of my dad, “a problem is only a problem to you, if you make it one”. So, in the end to truly be happy, and look only at the positive things in life, you will have to change your way of thinking, because the world isn’t going to change for you.





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Tayrodactyl said...
Jun. 11, 2011 at 10:41 am
I really enjoyed reading this. I moved away from a place that I loved at a very young age so it made it very easy for me to relate to your story. I hope that now you are happy where you are :) Keep writing because I think you are pretty good, just try to stay on topic. Somewhere in the middle you got sidetracked (I do that too so don't worry).
 
Anonymoua replied...
Jun. 11, 2011 at 1:31 pm
Thank you for the advice.
 
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