Adrenaline pumps through my veins. I can’t hold back much longer. All of the anger, confusion, and pain is swelling up inside me more and more. Not hearing the shouts of the familiar words, get ready, on your mark, get set, go, I anticipate it. Finally the gun blows its loud screech and I’m gone. Each step brings out the anger more and more. I’ve never gone so fast in my life. My feet pound on the hard track faster and faster. I don’t slow down, each step I take I’m stepping on everyone who has ever hurt me or made me mad, I’m nearly blind by my thoughts. I don’t even see the runners next to me anymore. Almost there. One hundred yards left. My opponents right by my side now. In my mind, it’s someone that’s hurt me and I don’t want anywhere near them. I’m gone again. I pound across the finish line, but I don’t stop. So much anger, hurt, and confusion keeps me going. People shout at me to stop, but I only exit the side of the track and keep going. I can’t be stopped and I don’t want to be. People look at me with odd expressions and I could care less. The meet is over and I’m still going. It’s time to load the busses. I run to the bus and jump up the stairs and quickly find a seat to sink down into. Everyone asks why, but I can’t look them in the eyes and tell them anything. At the school I’m the last one off and coach pulls me to the side. “I’ve never seen anyone keep going like that. What kept you going like that?” he asked. “Anger, hurt, and confusion. it’s the only thing that kept me from knocking someone out.” I explained. He gave me an understanding look, nods his head, pats my shoulder once, gives me a half smile, and walks away. Now I have a record. Also, I now have my own way of anger management.
April 10, 2009