I was in fifth grade, and it was almost Christmas. I was doing homework at my mom’s office. My mom brought in two piles of books, each pile with copies of a different book in it. The first pile had copies of this book called Dead and Gone, by Charlaine Harris. It appeared to be about vampires. The second pile had copies of another book called Brimstone, by Robert B. Parker. This one appeared to be about cowboys, or at least men wearing cowboy hats and riding horses. So my mom suggested that maybe I could give my friends each a copy of one of these books for Christmas. And me, being a big pushover, said, “Sure, why not?”
So I looked through these two books to see which one was more kid-friendly. The first one, Dead and Gone, had several curse words in the beginning already. There was “sh*t” and “a**” and “d*mn.” I looked through the second book, Brimstone, and I saw the f-word pop up in the first five pages. Back then, I followed this logic that only the f-word wasn’t acceptable to use, and that the other swear words were okay compared to that. At least, that was what my mom told me. So I chose to give my friends copies of Dead and Gone. The story was pretty interesting to me, so I figured it was a good idea to share this book with the other fifth-graders.
The next day at school, I gave them copies of Dead and Gone. None of them opened the wrapped gifts. There was this one friend, Allison, who pretended to be a little hurt that I didn’t give her a present. Or maybe she was actually upset, but she expressed it like it was a joke. Either way, I felt pretty bad and gave another copy to her the next day. She asked if she could open it early, and I said yes. She unwrapped it and was amazed that it was a book. She thanked me and I felt pretty good about it.
However, during class time, the teacher, Mr. Bruno, caught her reading the book and asked to see it. I saw him flipping carefully through it, and I started sweating nervously. He asked Allison where she got the book, which led to me getting called up to the teacher’s desk. Mr. Bruno asked if I knew that Dead and Gone was inappropriate for children, and I answered no. He asked if I’d given this book to anyone else. At this point, I was crying in shame and embarrassment. He called out each of my friends’ names one by one, the way I listed them out, which embarrassed me even more. He told my friends to give their books to their parents and that they shouldn’t read them. A lot of our classmates heard the commotion that I had caused, and started asking questions. All I wanted to do was travel back in time and tell the past me that whatever I do, DON’T GIVE MY FRIENDS THE BOOK DEAD AND GONE FOR CHRISTMAS. I went to my next class, crying, and was glad when the teacher there didn’t notice my puffy eyes.
Weeks later, I flipped through the same book that had gotten me in trouble in the first place, and I saw the f-word pop up at the end. So much for my swear word judgement rule.