I Have a Problem

April 17, 2018
By Anonymous

I... I have a problem, a rather large one actually. See I went and did one thing I swore not to do in high school. I fell in love. 

 

Now I know what you’re probably thinking, that this is just another sad story of heartbreak, but it’s not it’s almost worse. See I love him, and we’re still together have been for 9 months. But now i live with this constant fear, a terror that I’m too attached, because I know it won’t last, and im terrified. Call me a pessimist but this is high school so breakups are a reality like it or not, it’ll happen eventually. But let me start from the beginning. 

 

Freshman year I joined a clay shooting team at my school. Where I met the most amazing boy. He is sweet and kind and funny and sensitive but strong in all the right ways. It just took me all year to see it. It really wasn’t till I became best friends with his sister that in realized how much i liked him. But there were a few problems. One, he was my best friends brother 

Two, I was friends with all his friends and his one buddie had a HUGE crush on me

Three, He was a junior and I was a freshman 

Now I’m a gutsy girl so I took a few weeks, than asked him out anyway. He then explained to me, that tho he was 17 he wasn’t allowedmti date for two more years due to a strict Indian I... I have a problem, a rather large one actually. See I went and did one thing I swore not to do in high school. I fell in love.

Now I know what you’re probably thinking, that this is just another sad story of heartbreak, but it’s not it’s almost worse. See I love him, and we’re still together have been for 9 months. But now i live with this constant fear, a terror that I’m too attached, because I know it won’t last, and im terrified. Call me a pessimist but this is high school so breakups are a reality like it or not, it’ll happen eventually. But let me start from the beginning.

Freshman year I joined a clay shooting team at my school. Where I met the most amazing boy. He is sweet and kind and funny and sensitive but strong in all the right ways. It just took me all year to see it. It really wasn’t till I became best friends with his sister that in realized how much i liked him. But there were a few problems. One, he was my best friends brother
Two, I was friends with all his friends and his one buddie had a HUGE crush on me
Three, He was a junior and I was a freshman
Now I’m a gutsy girl so I took a few weeks, than asked him out anyway. He then explained to me, that tho he was 17 he wasn’t allowedmti date for two more years due to a strict Indian father, no matter how much he really did like me. However, we decided to try and give something a go. We snuck in “dates” that were “chaperoned” by my friend/his sister. We hung out at shooting practice and in groups of friends, we texted and FaceTimed and so fourth. Soon enough was each of our first kiss.

Over the months a lot of crazy things happened, including family members with suicide attempts, friends in messes, ridicule from his parents, and his sister getting cancer, but him and stuck together through it all, pulled each other up out of the chaos. Tho sometimes we’d go a month only seeing each other for 5 minutes total. But we... we really have something.  He calms my crazy personality, he makes me sane. And I am his support and I care for him. We make an amazing team when it comes down to it.

He’d always said we couldn’t get too attached, because college would eventually force an end. But one day, one day i let the words slip out. “I love you.” I’d thought and known them for a long time, but saying them scarred me, and probably him more, “you can’t think like that” he responded and I agreed. “I’d tell you I love you but I don’t know what Love is” he told me a week later and I understood.

Now what’s scary is I only want what’s best for him. And I’m terrified for the day when that is no longer me. When he inevitably outgrows me, or needs to be free of me. When he needs to let go of me so he can do what’s best for him. But I’m also worried because his dad is such a control freak and keeps threatening him with an arraigned marriage in India, and he deserves better than that. Everyone does. I’m in love with him but all I want is for him to leave this state and get his own life away from all this crazy, because that’s what’s best for HIM. And at the same time, I’m so so so terrified to loose him, so scarred to have to get over him, so sad to have to watch him move on. The time is coming soon, he goes to college this fall, me the next (I’m graduating early.) So now I have to prepare, and it’s a problem.



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