Battling with My Health

April 16, 2018
By Anonymous

Dear world,


I’ve never been truly comfortable in my own body. Thoughts of how I looked, felt, weighed  started to rush through my mind. A couple summers ago, I’d stay in bed, watching Gossip Girl. I would eat, and after  every meal I would then go and lay down. I started noticing changes. My tummy would cover the view of my legs, and every time I sat down four sucked in rolls formed. I gained weight, and I wasn't upset about it at first, because I knew that with time and dedication I could make them disappear. I was too young to worry about that. Why would a 13 year old girl like me be  worried about how skinny or chubby they were? School had finally started and I walked in confidently with my head held high.  I was finally going into 8th grade, I was excited to finally see my friends. Once I walked in people started looking at me, and I noticed they were whispering. I didn't know what they were whispering about, until I went to class. This young acquaintance of mine came up to me and told me I had gained a large amount of weight. I don't think I’ve ever experienced what I was feeling when he told me those words. The class got quiet and they just looked me up and down. In order to fix my “problem” I started going to soccer conditioning. I started to see a lot of change in my body. It got to the point where I was getting thin, too thin. It seemed like no one was satisfied with my weight. During that time I was going through some problems, so I started skipping meals.My body should have never been harmed. This obsession on wanting to lose weight hurt me physically and mentally. Once soccer season was over I started to eat, and focus on myself. I gained a healthy amount of weight and no one mentioned anything to me.

     

Throughout the years, I've been afraid to gain weight. Ive lost and gained weight several times, I'm always reminded when I look down my thighs and see my stretch marks. I don't want young girls or guys to go through what I went through. No one should ever have in their mentality that they need to be really thin. I don't want to see anyone ever forcing themselves to throw up like I did. Little by little I’m gaining my confidence and learning to love myself. It’s hard, when you see really fit and skinny models on your timeline. Yet again it should motivate you. Unfortunately, my mother is going through this. Due to her depression she lost a tremendous amount of weight. Not only did her figure change but so did her emotions. She's always calling herself fat, skipping meals, working out like crazy. Honestly this hurts me, because this is how I was, and now she's going through this.This also affects me because being around that kind of negative energy makes me get traumatized about my weight again. But I have people around me, who help and make me realize I am not fat. I am happy the way I am, and throughout time my mother is feeling a bit more confident about herself. Nothing makes me happier than seeing her feel beautiful in her own body. I love my mother, and not being able to say or do anything to convince her that she is beautiful the way she is, devastates me. She deserves to feel self love, and confidence all the time. I hope all woman or men reading this wakes up and realizes that by having this kind of mentality not only hurts you but others. Everyone is beautiful, in their own way.


The author's comments:

my mother and her condition.


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