“Hi Mrs. F, can we please have Lara down to the front office, with her backpack?” A voice had came blasting into the classroom distracting everyone.
“Yes, Lara” as she waved her arm suggesting me to the door. I had picked up my backpack and threw it on one shoulder. As I had left the classroom everyone burst into an obnoxious “OOOOOOO”. I rolled my eyes and descended deeper into the hallway towards the office. As I reached the office one of the main desk workes had been waiting for me. She directed me to the counselor's office. As I walked into the little room there was my counselor, an officer, and my teacher all sitting in a room. I had walked in and sat down on the chair shaking.
“We need to search your backpack,” the officer had said insensitively. I handed my backpack over and he reached his hands in the pockets feeling around. “Do you have pills in here?” He had asked me like I was a drug dealer or some bad criminal.
“Yes,” I mumbled. He looked in the last pocket and found the baggy of pills, he took them, zipped my backpack up and laid it down by my feet.
“Did something happen yesterday?” the counselor had said in a concerned tone. I was staring at her, no emotion on my face. I couldn't talk, everything was mumbled and my palms were sweaty and wet. I kept wiping them on my pants. My legs had started shaking. They were shaking so fast that my legs looked like there was an earthquake happening, just under my legs. Tears were pouring down my face. The warm drip of salty regret fell onto my lip. My chest was so tight like someone was standing on my back jumping up and down or I had the wind was knocked out of me.
“Sweetheart”? said the counselor in a worried tone. “Lara?” she said louder almost yelling at me. I finally heard her and I felt like someone had just woken me up from a really deep sleep. “Lara, what happened yesterday, we need to know or we can not help you,” the counselor said as she was looking at me like I was a ghost.
“It was my fault, not his”!
“What was”? The officer had said more concerned
“I didn't say it loud enough, I didn't push him hard enough,” as I burst out into tears gripping the arm rest.
“Sweetheart…did he rape you?” the counselor asked.
“Yes, well I don't know...”
“Who was it?” the officer cut me off.
“Alex… Alex co..” I was crying barely understanding myself.
“Your boyfriend?” the counselor asked. I nodded my head. “Okay, we got it”.
“It was my fault,” I said sobbing.
“No, Lara it is not your fault!”
“I didn't say stop,” I said basically yelling
.“Did you say wait, hold on, ow, no?” the officer said
“Yes, but…” I said cutting him off.
“No buts if you said anything directing for him to stop and he didn't, then he did wrong not you,” the counselor said tearing up. “Lara, why were you going to take those pills?”
“Idk I couldn't take it, seeing his face, him pulling me around, his grabbing me.”
“I’ve got to go, Lara, stay strong we are all here for you,” the teacher said as she reached for my hand rubbing the top on my hand. She had given me a tub of blue putty realizing that I was anxious and stressed. She walked out the door. The policeman was talking about a bunch of stuff but I wasn't listening.
“We will take you out the door to…”
“No, I don't want anyone to see me!” I said interrupting him.
“Okay you'll go out the side door then,” said the counselor looking at the officer giving him that stare. We had gotten up and I turned around and asked,
“Can I keep the putty?”
“Yes,” the counselor said making sure it was okay with the officer. We walked out to the police car and I had gotten in the back.
“Hold on I’ll be in just one second,” he said shutting the door on me. I was playing with the putty intensely. He got in.
“Do you want air” as he said already rolling the window down.
“Sure I guess” I mumbled annoyed. The putty had started to stick to my hands because My palms were so sweaty. First, they search my backpack, then they make me talk and then I end up in a cop car with blue putty stuck to my hands and I'm on my way to a hospital to get put in the loony bin, I thought. We were in the car for 45 minutes but it felt like 2 minutes. Once we had gotten to the hospital we checked in. For all knew that one decision that could end me in one minute would keep me going in the psych ward for 2 weeks.