Inexperienced Hope | Teen Ink

Inexperienced Hope

February 26, 2018
By The-Reclused-Writer BRONZE, Columbia, Maryland
The-Reclused-Writer BRONZE, Columbia, Maryland
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

As someone who is inexperienced in a matter such as this, I have nothing to say. In a matter such as this I don’t know what to do. I could say “feel better”, but how would you control what happens in the future? I could say “You can get through this”, but I don’t even know if you can. I could say “I hope you get well”, but why should I bring my hopes up when I’ve already heard what the doctors have to say? I could say all of these things, but there’s no point in saying something that I don’t believe or mean. If I resort to something like that then I’ve resorted to  what’s called “hope”. And if I resort to hope then what will that mean for me? It means that I would have already accepted what might happen. I am in denial, but I would rather be in denial then realize and accept it. I refuse to turn to hope! Sometimes though, I start to think about it. About what might happen….what might happen later. I can’t handle it. Tears stream down my face every morning. I can’t help it. Blood trickles down my knuckles every night. I can’t control it. I hate myself for it. The way I’m acting….what does it mean. I don’t want to accept it….but….if I’m doing all these things…. Crying until my eyes are bone-dry. Punching mirrors until my knuckles are sliced and bruised. If I’m doing all these in the morning and at night….what does it mean? I don’t want to accept it. What do I do? What do I do if there’s nothing to do?! I panic and freak out when I shouldn’t. What do I do? What do I do if there’s nothing to do?! Resort to hope?!

Dedicated to those unfortunate people, who have lost their friends or family to the calamity of cancer (or any other life threatening illness).

The author's comments:

I'm not someone who has gone through this but I got the (sad) inspiration to write this after going to the funeral of a 19 year-old girl having been diagnosed with Cancer 3 years before.

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