Dear Babe...

February 24, 2018
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Dear 'babe' (even though i never called you that),

It is a struggle, getting over you, because we were once "best friends". You claimed to "love" me, yet, you used me as an emotional punching bag to take your frustrations out on. After our one year together, is when most people think you started growing cold. However, I believe otherwise. Four months into our relationship, you experienced loss that no teenager should have to face at a young age. - death of a parent. I held you as you shed your tears on my shoulder, and padded your eyes and your red face. We would sit and talk about what bothered us, in our beginning. -Our families, where we grew up, how many pets we had, family nicknames, etc. After our four months, I was grounded for our mistake. Then, he passed and the funeral was at the end of June. I met most of your distant family that day. Which was quite unfortunate. After this loss, you grew colder by day. But I never seemed to notice. For months, I drowned in tears because of what you said and how you said it. You would talk at me instead of with me. You emotionally and mentally abused me, then after.. text "I'm sorry" along with "babe please talk to me" and "babe i didn't mean it" and my favorite "it's your fault". One day, I wanted to sell lollipops for our school's fundraiser, to a girl who's your ex. That day, instead of taking our usual route to my bus, I began to lead us the other way. You questioned and I didn't answer, I never felt the need. You asked if I was selling to her. I kept walking. We were holding hands but one of us let go. I faced you..and tried putting my hand on your shoulder to help you calm down. You pushed my arm away, hard enough to make my head hit the window. I turned around and walked away. You called my name...or 'babe', that's when I turned back slowly with tears in my eyes, and gave you a death glare. I sold the lollipops and we walked to the bus, even though I didn't want us to walk to my bus after what had just happened. I wanted to go...alone. You... oh you... made it hard to do my work, made me unhealthy, and made me want to die. And if it weren't for my best friend, I probably wouldn't be typing this now. But don't get me wrong, I loved you. Probably more than you loved me... or loved yourself. I loved you on the days you were rude to me, and the days I stayed up late nights crying wondering if I was worth anything to you.. or at all. I loved you...the day I left you. It hurt so much, it felt like a blade had cut through my torso and someone ripping everything out from me. I believe we agreed to "be friends", but that's just a lie we tell ourselves. If you ever do read this, I hope you treat the next person you claim to love, better than me... I remember once, or many times, you told me to "get over it"." Get over the fact that I, a male have female bffs and we hang out more than mynown girlfriemd and I, but it's okay cause we are close and it does not hurt my girlfriend AT ALL." You ditched seeing a performance of me on the field at the homecoming football game, to spend time with her cause it was her birthday days before and it sucked. Even though, you didn't tell me until the day of you weren't going to the game, when you've known of the concert since Wednesday. I cried, in my dance uniform that day, friends had to comfort me. While you said "get over it". You said you'd see me the next day at the dance. I said that tomorrow isn't promised. You said I was being dramatic. You were mad back in March because I said I got giddy when I saw a classmate at his job out of school. You were so mad that you didn't change your behavior..for me. Your anger lasted months, this is why my emotions for you.. went to him. I loved you through this, but I was truly confused with how I..felt. I hated myself, and you didn't help with that. In fact, you made my self-loathing worse. I may have more to add, but I must say... Babe, Freckles, Puppy, etc. I bid you good day.



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SammyJane said...
today at 1:57 pm
This is a wonderfully written piece. I understand how you felt. You did good. I hope to see more written works (and others) from you in the future.
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