What Will I Be?

February 28, 2018
By Anonymous

“When I grow up I want to be a Princess”. Like most little girls at the mature age of six I as determined to be royalty. I was fortunate growing up. I had a family who stood by my side when I got sick, cheered me on at soccer games where almost no one ever scored, and gave me goofy nicknames like “Bear”. Having two parents who weren't completely satisfied with their careers pushed me to think of bigger and better things so I could grow up and be able to provide for potential a future family.

“I've decided to become a singer” I said as I paraded around the house proud of the job I had just established as mine. At this time I was nine. I had always loved listening to music and “singing” along. I say singing with quotes due to the sad truth that at the time my vocal skills were subpar. My poor parents suffered through my car karaoke phase. I couldn't say that much about my sister Marin. Even my humming seemed to annoy her and she would shoot a glare my way. Knowing she would punch me if my parents weren't there I stopped humming and just sat there in silence. My singing phases didn't last too long. As I became older I realized I wanted more than money. I wanted to be successful in a way that wasn't based on people's opinions.

“Hey mom. I want to be an Anesthesiologist”. I decided this as my career path at the age of twelve. To be totally honest I looked at how much an anesthesiologist made and I was dead set on becoming one. Lots of young adults believe money is the key to success and I believed that at one point. If you really think about it, what is success? At twelve being successful was having lots of money and maybe a unicorn if I could find one. No matter what career path I took (as long as it was lawful) I knew my family would be right there supporting me.

    “Dad! I've found my dream job,” I screamed at the top of my lungs as I pulled my cookies out of the oven. All of the sudden I thought I had acquired the skills to become a baker. The cookies were perfect. Browned perfectly on top while still ooey and gooey in the middle. My dad soon burst my bubble reminding me I had just baked pre proportioned frozen cookies. I reminded him that I picked out this particular package in the store. I had somehow amounted this to being a qualified baker. A little while after that I tried to make cookies myself which turned out subpar at best. I had then decided baking wasn't the right path for me. I broke down crying and ran to my dad.

“I don't know what I want to be. I’m going to be homeless,” I sobbed. At the age of fourteen I was positive I needed to know my career path.  My dad reassured me and told me as I got older I would find my way. My dad had not ever been a great student but the two things he did figure out while dozing off in class was, one, you aren't ever going to use algebra after high school and, two, if you set yourself up well in highschool you can do whatever you want and decide to do something different at any point in your life. While I was still young when he told me this, the concept sticks with me to this day.

    “I want to be a writer,” is what my sister Caoilinn finally decided she wanted to do. She had always been really good with words. Sometimes she was a little too good with words. Let's just say I never won an argument. Not once.
    “I think being a preschool teacher is my calling.” At nineteen my sister Marin had figured out exactly what she wanted to be. She's always been good with kids, other than me her little sister of course. I couldn't make her life that easy.

At fifteen I have almost no idea of what I want to do in the future. At this stage in my life putting the wheels in motion to find, and get on a path to get my dream job is crucial. My parents both failed to do so in time and they were left with good paying jobs they don't enjoy. I don't want to be stuck at a desk writing paper or filling out documents. I want a job that will keep me on my toes and open my eyes to new experiences and new people. I want to be able to travel and see the world and not stuck in a chair with paper and a deadline. For some people that would be their dream job but not for me.

    “I will get my dream job,” I say in front of a group of students. They don’t know what that will be. Neither do I. That's exactly the way I want it for now.

The author's comments:

Some people just need help with life. I know I do.

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