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Everything she wore was black. Her jacket, her clothes, her heart. She’s used to push away every emotion while at school, but once she was home, she lets it all out. She screamed and cried until her throat closes and lets out gasps of air.
Her friends thought she’s fine. How could she be so depressed when she had a smile plastered on her face? It’s called “faking just so everyone around her is happy.” That’s how she coped with herself, so she didn’t let anyone down. She hides her true self, so she could please everyone around her.
No one knows her back story. Her past is a mystery, and she wants to keep it like that. It’s the past, so why let it out? Maybe her past could define her. Her last name could tell you her family has a criminal record. She blocked out those memories before she could cry anymore.
Everything in her room was dull colors. The curtains that hung from her room were a dark color, her sheets on her bed were black, her soul was black from all the harsh experiences she’s been through. Her wrist can explain that reasoning.
Her arms were a different color than the rest of her body. Her mind aches her to release everything, and if that’s cutting herself she will do it. Why stop then? No one had seem to notice the pain that she was in. The blade against her cold skin helped her cope with everything.
Her body was so thin from the lack of food she consumes. Her bones stuck out from her arms, legs, stomach, and face. Once again no one noticed which used be good. No one can tell her to stop. She didn’t want too. This made her feel better about herself but she couldn’t stop. Not like she wanted too anyway.
She used gets into fights with her siblings and they made it seem like they hate her. Her brother couldn’t even look at without throwing up in his mouth. Her older sister called her names like “idiot”, “dumb” or even “stupid”. Her younger sister couldn’t even tell her “I love you”. She could easily say “I hate you.”
Her mother got along perfectly fine with her sisters and brother. She felt left out and alone. She could hear the calm laughs her mother gave when her older sister told a joke. It burned her chest. Everything used to hurt. Everything was black.
The weight of the world was on her shoulders. School was stressing her out and she was falling behind in her classes. She’s learned to not care anymore. The hole in her stomach started to ache every now and then and she was right back where she started.
She hid in her room away from the world, her family, and even herself. The sour taste in her mouth made her want to gag from the lack of food that was in her stomach. She was going through a rough spot in her life. She used cut herself everyday, she didn’t eat to have that “perfect” body figure. She was so small and fragile. It was almost as if someone could break her by picking her up.
Her mother didn’t see a change in her appearance, she seemed perfectly fine in her mother’s eyes. Her mother never expected her 13 year old daughter to be so depressed, so disconsolate.
People have used her, treated her like trash and thrown her away. She been slapped, punched, bruised, thrown around, torn, and left out. She didn’t fit in at school, people took things from her she could never get back. She was used for her body to make other people feel ‘good’ but she hated it. She hated herself more than ever in that time of her life.
Then there was him. He made her feel better just by talking to her. His voice calmed her down from her worst anxiety attacks. He held her close so nothing could hurt her at the time. She felt safe in his arms.
They grew close and soon became inseparable. She would freak out if he wasn’t there. People called her psycho because of how much time she spent with him. She became attached to him.
He understood her so well. He understood that she was broken and needed someone. He helped her to stop cutting herself and actually eat her food. He showed her how much she was needed in this disgusting world.
He helped her. She learned how to love and care about herself, maybe not as much as she wanted to but enough to know that she was worth the battle she was fighting. She tried so hard to be faithful to herself as much as he is.
Her grades started to improve of the many hours they spent together studying. Her clothes became a little brighter but nobody noticed. She wasn’t too fond of him “making” her quite the cutting and her gaining weight but she lived to see him smile at her improvements. It made her less empty in the inside.
The boy she grew to love had some downfalls. Weed tore him apart and his behavior became abnormal. The same time he was telling her to stop harming herself and to get her to healthy weight he was fighting the urge to get high everyday.
He wanted to make her happy so he quit, cold turkey. She asked numerous of times but he went behind her back plenty of times but finally he let it go. The weed and alcohol meant nothing to him, she did.
Her past was dark, her school treated her like she was nothing, her mother left her behind, she had no idea where her father was, she used to hide herself in her covers but he changed her. She thanked him nonstop for everything he had done. She appreciated his effort to make her uplifted then she was a year ago.
He made her soul a little less black.