I Love Him

February 13, 2018

We met at band camp. I was a freshman, he was a junior. He played trombone and I played the flute. My friends were all infatuated with him, but I didn’t get it, how could you like someone who talks to and leads on every girl? I didn’t like him, and I thought that I never would, but things can change.
  

During the first few months of school, I never really talked to him, but sometimes at lunch he would come over to my table and talk to my friend. We both figured out that we have the same taste in music, I also figured out that he was dating one of my best friends. In October, my friend had a party to celebrate her sixteenth birthday and had invited a few of her closest friends, I was one of them and suprisingly, he was too. That was the first day that we had a real conversation. We went on a walk together and talked about anything and everything. He let me rant to him about my best friend problems. He let me complain. He was amazing. We were friends.
  

After that, we started to talk everyday. He helped fill the emptiness that my now ex-best friend had caused. I was happy. He was the reason that I was happy. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was falling for him. I was so blinded by how good he was treating me, that I forgot about my other friends. I thought that he was all that I needed.
 

After talking for a few weeks, I finally realized that I liked him. After finding out that I did, I told him, I had to. His reaction was better than I ever could have imagined, his exact words were “Good, because if you didn’t feel the same, I would be crushed.” After, nothing really changed between us. We were happy how we were. He would occasionally call me babe, which I loved, and he never failed to make me feel better.
  

We got of school for Thanksgiving Break and I was relieved because I didn’t have school, but I was sad that I wouldn’t see him. On a Saturday, my cousin told me that we were going to a church because they were having a Fish n’ Fry. I didn’t think much of it because we always go somewhere spontaneous when we’re together.
   

After talking to a few people about it, I realized why my cousin said we are going to church, he would be there. The whole night was so fun and I spent it laughing with the people that I cared about the most. When I had to leave, I didn’t hug him because I was scared what my uncle would think. I’m only 14, according my parents i’m not old enough to have a boyfriend or even hangout with a boy, so I was scared about my uncle telling them. When I walked past him, he looked so hurt and too this day I still feel bad. I didn’t mean to hurt him, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.
   

After that, we didn’t really talk during the break. We probably texted once or twice but nothing more. I was sad, I felt like it was my fault because I hurt him.  Soon, it was time to go back to school and we had stopped talking all together. He never texted me or talked to me in person, I was being ignored. I never texted him first, it’s kind of hard to explain. I soon found out that he was now talking to another girl, the girl that had a party that brought us together in the first place. I was crushed and angry. I wasn’t angry at the fact that he was talking to another girl, I was angry because he did not talk to me about it. I waited and waited for him to tell me, but he never did. He continuously ignored my existence and it hurt. Finally, I decided to make the first move and tell him how i’ve been feeling and that I know that he doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. He replied by saying that he has indeed lost feelings for me and that he now has feelings for my friend. It hurts, but it’s good to know the truth. He said he wanted to be friends. Friends text each other, friends talk to each other. We are nowhere near friends. I asked him why he won’t talk or text me first and he said he couldn’t. He gave no reason behind it, just that he couldn’t.
   

Since then he has talked to me in person maybe twice. Once because I was playing his favorite singer, and twice well, I don’t know. I was showing a guy a song, but he came between us to listen to it instead. Something tells me that he was jealous, but he couldn’t have been, he has a girlfriend. He asked her out about two weeks after I told him how I felt. I was sad, lonely, and heartbroken. I had never felt like that with anyone. If that’s how I feel every time I love someone, I never want to love anyone again. It is so painful. Most people don’t understand why I felt the way I did at such a young age, I don’t understand either. I know that I had so many feelings for him, that he made me feel so happy even in some of the worst times, and I know that I loved him. I still do. Nothing could ever make me change that. He was such a big part of my life. I really need to thank him because he taught me so many things, in such a short period of time. He has taught me to never judge people, he has taught me to always treat people with respect because you never know what someone is going through, and most importantly, he taught me how to love.






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