Heartbreak, remorse, anger. These were all of the emotions that I was feeling after the most humiliating event of my life. But the strongest one, the one that made me weak, the one that got me into this situation in the first place was love.
Love causes us to take down our defenses. It leaves us completely vulnerable. There is something scary about putting yourself out there with no power whatsoever, exposed to pain.
Why did I allow myself to fall so hard?
Why didn't I just back out while I could?
These were some of the many questions floating through my mind.
I would like to say that I hate him but it would be the biggest lie ever told. Albeit it all, I still feel deep affection for him; Clinton.
I was completely devastated after being informed by Clinton's sister that the said guy does not like, and I quote, "child abuse". He apparently stated that if I wanted to have a serious talk with him, it would have to wait until I complete my studies which would be years from now.
In other words, Clinton wants nothing to do with me. He does not want to waste his time with someone like me. He rather feeds me with crap than tell me the hard truth. At least, that is how I interpreted it.
The timing could not have been better; Valentine's day. I looked like a fool with a love letter written with passion which I was about to give to Clinton's sister to pass on to him.
I was delivering love while Clinton was delivering heartbreak.
To say that I was humiliated will be the understatement of the century. With unshed tears in my eyes, I tore the letter in pieces just like my heart was and ran to the girl's restroom to compose myself. I dare not cry in front of people.
I, therefore, plastered a fake smile on my face throughout the whole day, pretending that I was having the best time of my life.
Truth is, it was the worst Valentine's day ever.