Being Skinny Wasn’t A Goal, But A Memory To Overcome

“Why are your ribs showing?”

This is the “burning” question I always get from my family, my friends, strangers even. I really hate hearing it. It just makes you feel like you eat less, so that it fits you more.

I failed at being a normal boy. When I was in 4th or 5th grade, I was skinny. I was thin. You could tell, when you could barely lift full milk jug with 2 hands. I was always an underweight kid, and I really didn’t know what to do. I could eat a ton, but I never gained weight. I was just born underweight. Sometimes, I was scared. I just didn’t know if I was doing the right thing.  I never liked taking off my clothes in public, even at the waterpark. I never liked doing it, my bare skin with my bones sticking out and my ribs burning through my skin, like I’ve been starved for a month. Shirts and shorts never fit me correctly. I was always skinny around the hips, so shorts wouldn’t fit me good. Shirts were just too big, fitting me like a huge bag around my chest and arms. I just wanted to sit inside all day and never go outside. People would just touch me and I would fall down, because I was skinny and underweight. I couldn’t fight back. During that time, I wanted to change. I just waited for the right time.

I started lacrosse in 5th grade, and it was fun. I could actually pass and shoot like I was supposed. But, I was short and skinny. My pads would flop around, my jersey way too big for me. It was easy for my to run around kids that were tall and not fast, but I would get knocked down really fast. That was my advantage. Even though I wasn’t the strongest, I was one of the fastest. I could race people that were tall, or someone that’s strong, but I had the leg power.

Once I got to middle school, I finally stood up a little more. I still wasn’t eating enough, but I was eating more.I ate more junk food, but ate some veggies as well. I wanted to be a normal, average kid. No ribs showing. Pads don’t flop around. Jerseys actually fit. But, that didn’t work so well. I wanted to fit into shirts and pants, but maybe I was made for them not to fit.

8th grade was the same as 6th and 7th grade. I was eating a lot, but it wasn’t doing much to my body overall. When Freshman year started for me, I knew I wanted to change, so I did what I felt like was needed. During the year, I ate a ton of food. I went to the weight room a couple times, but I wanted a clean slate; a new start. I was always eating a lot, which startled my parents. One day, around Christmas, I was up at around midnight, just eating. It was snowing outside and I just wanted breakfast to come around. I was eating loudly and my mom came downstairs.

“Who is up?”
“Hi Mom.”
“What are you doing up at 12? You need sleep.”
“Mom, I told you already, I need to eat. Sorry that it’s 12, but I’m hungry.”
“You ate like 2 burgers for dinner! How much do you really need?”
“Sorry mom, I’ll go back to bed. But, if I don’t gain weight by March next year, I’m blaming you.”

It’s sophomore year. December time. Just last year, I wasn’t fitting into clothes. I wasn’t over 100 pounds. I wasn’t average. A year later, my ribs don’t bulk out. I am 105 pounds. My clothes actually fit me. I moved forward, and left failure in the dust.