To Whom This May Concern

November 15, 2017
By Anonymous

Hi, you may see me as a positive person or a negative person just know that I’ve been through a lot. When I first started 8th grade I was pretty sad and I wasn’t as happy or as social as I am today. My grades were a big part of why I was so sad. I had a small group of friends and everyday had no change, they all felt the same so I started talking to guidance counselors almost every day or just whenever she had a chance.


I tried escaping the endless cycle of stale days so I started making the teachers my friends and to my surprise it really helped so I would always talk with them but there was always a day that I wasn’t  ready  to put in any effort at all. I was sad almost every day not even the teachers or my friends could cheer me up but the days just never got any better. I would wake up and rush out the door get on the bus which that was the only thing I enjoyed about my day. Then I would go to class hangout and talk but I always had a sad feeling. So I was introduced to a new councilor named I had a good feeling around her so I started to see her and we would talk. We talked about why I feel this way and I told her about all of the events that have happened to me. We just kept talking, then half way through the year I was so down I was talking to her almost every day.


Even knowing I had all these friends supporting me I just couldn’t get into the school year, my grades fell drastically and that made things worse. My sister and I started to see an out of school therapist. We would see him together and we would talk. My sister was just worried about mom. My sister is still desperately trying to move in with our mother. I had no idea why I was so sad. We eventually stopped seeing him. My sister said that she wasn’t happy and neither was I. I didn’t want to go back to therapy, my sister did want to. She recently spent some time in a “crisis” center for kids its basically school but with other kids with the same problems as her and they would take group therapy. She would always come home and she would always be so hostile. Dad and her still fight just not as much. But I’m getting off topic back to eighth grade. Towards the end of the year I felt a little better but I was shy and weird. I was stressed and sad every day. That’s just it though everyday seemed the same they were all stale, boring, and sad. Then just like that the school year ended. The summer was also hard for us, we had to move. So we packed our things and left. My sister didn’t like the move, I was fine with it I believe that a change of scenery did wonders for me and my mentality. Over the summer I realized the way the world works in the world there is a sense of balance of good and evil I realized, I beat depression.


One day this summer, a few days before my birthday. I had no reason to feel good but I felt social, happy, and energized, like I could go say hi to anyone I knew. I had a really good feeling about myself. I stayed in my room and watched cartoons, I read a little of My Side of the Mountain. I took a walk in the park by myself. I like taking walks. It was mid-day. I walked across the street to Spec Pond. It is green. There’s soccer field and football area. There are a lot of dandelions that look nice with the sun. The wood chips are new, fresh Oak. I went on a blue, spinning carousel and I sat on it and looked up at the sky. It was very blue. No clouds.  It was comforting color. It lulled me into a sleepy state. There were swans in the lake by the cattails. They were honking. The place smelled like flowers and there was a breeze. The trees above me were tall, skinny, and created a shaded area where I sat. They smelled sappy but also old and dusty.  After observing the wooden giants, I decided to walk around again.


I soon found myself on a gravel road full of rocks and pebbles as small as an ant. I looked in the sky and saw a flock of birds fly by, they seemed very cheerful that day which made me happy. So after walking along the gravel road I found a patch of grass, so I sat down and rested against a boulder and slowly I was lulled into the sweet embrace of a weary slumber. When I woke up it seemed a bit darker but the sun had resided behind a cover of trees. I sat up and was on my way again, I started listening to the wind and trees, it gave me goose bumps. While listening I felt defenseless, I let my guard down. I started to run back to my house with the trees going by me nothing more than a colored blur in the corner of my eye.  After I reached my house I ascended the stairs reached my room and collapsed on my bed.

 

I started thinking about the problems I’ve dealt with. I was happy again the days were different. So every day of summer I made it count because I felt alive. While I was depressed I felt dead but I felt alive after beating depression. So I did enjoy my summer. Things are looking up for me but the same can’t be said for my sister she has not found herself yet. She inflicts pain upon herself both mentally and physically. She has lost herself and she must find herself anew. If you’re wondering if she is cutting herself then you are right. She promised she would never do it again but she did. My mom and my sister made a promise recently my mom used to be an alcoholic she was sober for 8 years then she drank again she went to rehab again. So weeks ago my mom and sister made the promise, my sister wouldn’t cut and my mom wouldn’t drink. My sister cut again a few days ago and my mom is devastated, the look on her face I’ll never forget it, she was sobbing until she was screaming I don’t see my mom cry very often , she is a  very strong and independent woman so seeing her cry was a real eye opener. We don’t know what causes her to do this. My opinion she is attention seeking, but she has tried to kill herself on three different occasions. If she wanted to die she knows what to do. She won’t kill herself though. Hmm my sister is quite the case.


Even with all this happening I still enjoyed my summer. My sister just stayed in her room and slept until 3 in the afternoon every day. She kind of became a hermit. She only left her room for food and to use the bathroom it was really sad to see. I don’t know how my sister is doing to this day but I feel she is better than she was.
 


The author's comments:

this is my experience of life and depression 


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