Second place to some is seen as the first loser, the one who was. almost good enough but not exactly the best. I used to believe being second was good enough, that it's so close to almost being the best that I wouldn't mind the fact that someone was better. I could still say today that I agree with that... mostly. Now as I've grown older I see in some ways being second is not what I want. I've been second before, too many times to count and in one aspect of my life I will never settle for it again. Most of the time I didn't even realize that I wasn't first, I thought I was so lucky to be here in that place with someone who put me before them until I realized you're only first until something better comes along and once they stop using you. I was never first, not really it became clear to me that I was simply a place holder and that if I really meant anything my spot never would have been taken away. It hadn't been the first time I'd been passed up on the first spot with someone but it would be the last. Never again in my life would settle for being anything but the first place that i deserved, I would no longer compete or fight to be in a spot I was not wanted in. Once you stop showing me I am no longer a top priority I would show you that you didn't deserve me. Letting people tell you or show you that you're not worth that spot in their life hurts, but what hurts even more is loving someone so much that you settle with a spot that is beneath you. I am not second, and I will never fill that spot again.
I Am NOT Second
November 16, 2017