My Chaotic First Grade

November 13, 2017
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When parents tell you to not do something, you should probably be obedient and listen to them. But there’s always that small piece of you that still wants to do it, or maybe didn’t know what it was before they told not to do it, but now you want to do it anyway. Everyone’s parents tell their kids to never say bad words, but every parents kids saying it once or twice behind their parents’ backs, or, in my case, flaunting the middle finger at my fellow classmates. Oh, and by the way, this was in first grade.


On a usual day of first grade, I went and sat down with my two friends, Luke and Collin. I happily ate lunch with no fears of that report you have in to do two days, or doing or filing tax reports. My friend Collin turns to me, and flips me off. I’m a little taken aback at first. I knew the middle finger was bad, but I just don’t know what it meant exactly. But, being a first grader who thinks swearing is more funny than the Big Bang Theory (which is pretty much anything, but you get the point), I start dying of laughter. Luke sees my laughing my guts out,  and asks, “What's so funny?” Collin does the same thing he did to me to Luke. Luke cracks up, and soon we are all flipping each other off, laughing so hard we begin to cry. That is, until the teacher comes over.


The teacher runs over, and I could’ve sworn that Thomas the Tank Engine was coming to destroy us, you could almost see the steam coming out of her ears. She look likes she is about to destroy us like Kim Jong Un wants to destroy Guam. But, understanding we were “innocent” first graders, she lets us off the hook with a simple warning. At this point, anyone, anyone would be rational and stop. But not “innocent” first grader Halen. I was going to have the last laugh, and I didn’t care what it took to get it. After the teacher leaves I motion to my friends with a mischievous smile to look under the table. They look under and instantly start cracking up, as the middle finger was underneath the table in its full glory. So you know how they say teachers have eyes in the back of their heads? Well turns out, they have them under the table too.


The teacher drags me to the office, as my little first grader heart begs the teacher to give me another chance. But I had really had done it this time. The principal phones my parents as I sit in the chair contemplating my escape to Kentucky. When I get home, my mother  instantly sends me to my room. I plead with her saying,”It was an accident, I didn’t mean too!” (Wow, what an excuse me).


“DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?” My mother asks furiously,”IT MEANS [censor bar]!”


I went to sleep feeling guilty, but a little remorseful. Thanks to mom, I now knew more than my classmates and teacher knew about it. I mean, you should’ve seen my teacher’s face when I hit her with the knowledge of what the middle finger meant! Her eyes lit up like lightbulbs in a dark room. She must’ve thought I was some sort of genius. She probably told the principal to move me up to second, no, third grade. Only problem was, I didn’t realize I was cursing out my teacher in front of the entire class until halfway through my sentence. Probably should’ve thought that one trough. If I could go back in time and do something to stop myself from throwing the middle finger, I would’ve done what I was told and not flipped of my friends in the first place.


The end.






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