It was the middle of the night, sometime around 11 P.M., at least since the last time I had checked. I didn’t know how much time had passed since then. Since I had officially “gone to bed,” around 9:30 P.M., I had been tossing and turning. I felt like I was laying in a bed of fire or a bed made up of hot coals. Little to say the least, I felt miserable. I knew there was an easy solution to this dilemma, but here I was, continuing to toss and turn.
“Why am I like this?” I grumbled to myself.
See the easy solution I had mentioned was that I could simply remove all of the extra blankets I had piled onto the bed and myself. With this dilemma, I knew that I could never get to sleep easily due to the knowledge from previous nights. I felt that I needed to prove myself, but I didn’t know who I wanted to prove myself to or what I even was trying to prove. Was I trying to prove that I could fall asleep with about six blankets on me? All my mind knew in this instance was that I was not going to remove any of my blankets. It was my personal pride on the line here.
Knowing I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep soon, I pulled out my phone, which had been conveniently charging next to my pillow. Putting in my passcode, I turned it on. I decided to go to my text messages to reread fun conversations between my sister and I. These random conversations ranged from milk haters, to a gremlin child, to romancing a robot, or to Heelies and roombas. Getting bored after some time, I switched my phone off, and rolled over again. Then the annoying part started again. I continuously tossed and turned and tossed and turned… It seemed like I would never be able to fall asleep at this rate.
Becoming aggravated about not being able to fall asleep, I grabbed for my phone again, and I switched it on. Now I decided to scroll through pictures I had found funny. Instead of spending a considerable amount of time amusing myself with this, I quickly got bored of it, and I proceeded to turn my phone off. Once again, I started the tossing and turning. It was simply infuriating. By now it had to be past midnight.
Since my pride was still on the line, I knew for a fact that I would not remove my blankets. So I settled for a different approach, I decided to just close my eyes and think. I thought about fun things that I knew for a fact would never happen. I thought about what I would do in my free time the upcoming days. I thought about all of the funny things that had happened in the day. I thought and I thought, while listening to my air purifier gasp for air loudly. I opened my eyes and peeked at my clock; the time read 2:30 A.M. I closed my eyes and groaned loudly.
The next thing I knew, my alarm was blaring annoyingly next to my ear. Grasping at my phone, I quickly inputted my passcode; I turned my alarm off. I groaned into the dark abyss of my room. Getting up, I sluggishly walked over to my light switch, and in a flash the dark abyss of my room was now bright. Now my clock read 6 A.M., which was now the time for me to start getting breakfast and getting ready for school. I felt absolutely drained, but I knew I would be refreshed by the time I got to school, as it always happened with all of the other times. Though, I knew that I had upholded by personal pride by not removing any of my blankets during the long night.
To me, some nights were a personal war consisting of myself vs. my personal pride. This personal pride of mine was basically a curse I bestowed upon myself, which I somehow did. I still don’t get why it was such a big deal for me to take off my blankets in the middle of the night, or why it sometimes still is. Now I know that I should maybe let go of my pride in these instances when it has the possibility of lowering my health.