I remember it almost as clear as day I was 3 years old and I was with my sisters and my parents in the small apartments I lived most of my life in due to the small amount of money that we had. The one thing that stressed me out a lot is the day when my parents fought and my dad had left our family. I guess he didn’t care about us because when my mom had offered him to stay so he can still see us everyday he almost immediately denied. I loved him but that is slowly fading away as I see that he isn’t the person I thought he was and he obviously doesn’t want us anymore. He left and I am here thinking that maybe one day he’ll appear and say “I’m sorry”.The day he left will be one that I will hold in my mind because I now know that dreams don’t come true and that the day he’ll come up to me and say the truth in my face will never come. He will say that it was all a lie and that my mom is a liar and that is when I’ll know that he has not changed one bit. He will still be the man that I know took the money away from my mom and had to be paid to come and visit my mom when she was in a coma. The day was a regular day, I woke up and went into the kitchen waiting for mom to wake up so I could eat and as the day went on and we were watching tv in the living room the screaming began. My older sister dragged us all into the room and we played with our toys while we were in there; the screaming still continued as we were playing. I remembered that I left my toy in the living room so I open the door to our playroom and just as I am about to walk out to get whatever it was my mom yells “ ANGEL STAY IN YOUR ROOM!!!!” I got scared that I may have gotten in trouble so I close the door and continue to play with my toys. We hear the front door slam close and go to check outside and see dad walking out looking angry. We check out the door of our room but mom tells us to stay inside of our room, she doesn’t want us to get hurt by the glass that is on the floor. The day went on after that we were just without our dad from that point on. Looking back at it now I wonder what I would have done if I was the age I am now. Would I have fought and helped my mom or stay in my room like I did when I was little? Would I have panicked when she yelled at me or ignore her? I still think that maybe if I did something different I wouldn’t have some weight on my shoulders wondering what is going to happen next or will the day go as happy as I would hope it would be. I can’t act that sometimes I don’t miss him because I do. I stopped the tears but the thoughts of him coming back into our lives is not going to disappear any time soon. I have people that I care about around me everyday and most of the time they make those thoughts of him coming back disappear but eventually they come back. I know that this sounds kinda depressing but is it illegal to think about somebody that you loved? Some of the people that I see and talk to everyday help me and have impacted me in such a way I know that I will remember them until the day I die. They have touched parts of my heart that I thought wouldn’t have existed if they hadn’t have come into my life. I know that he did terrible things like not pay for child support but he did show me that I had comfort. He was there when ever I cried, whenever I felt sick, or even when there was no reason at all. My friends have been there for me since the first day that I met them and I feel and know that they will still be with me even after we go our separate ways. My dad is a touchy subject for me that is why I don’t ever try and talk about my dad. Whenever people ask about my dad I just tell them about my step-dad(the one that I have now). This is the one thing that is stuck in my mind and that I don’t think I will ever forget.
November 7, 2017