Hi, my name is Aidan and I’m scared to show you the true me. Asking you to listen to me is hard because this a subject no one wants to talk about. I am Transgender. Truth be told, everyone hates this type of subject. They do not want to open up to the idea that someone is not the gender they are born. You do not know the strength it took to accept myself, how scared I was to be myself in front of people who have said that I lie about everything in my life, so I stopped caring. I thought, at the time, that it was the best way to approach the situation, But it was not. I became empty, numb. I made myself feel completely empty in order to go through my days, and it was not worth it.
I watched my life float by and I became upset and depressed about what I wore, hearing female pronouns, knowing that I was not myself. So, I broke it. I broke my silence, I allowed myself to cry over stupid things, hurtful things, and all around I simply let myself hurt. Afterwards, I felt numb. But I remembered something. That I was not who I know I am on the inside. I am a boy. A man, ready to be called a male, to be able to pass as a male. So I changed my style. I went with what I felt good in, I burned my dresses, sold my skirts, gave away everything that reminded me of a life I did not want to be reminded of. I burned every single picture I owned, killing off the little “Girl” that my mom gave birth to. I then, proceeded to tell my parents and family, knowing their reactions already.
My mom reacted completely opposite to what I was expecting. She supports me, but will not respect my decision until I seek help. My stepfather refuses to call me a male or respect my choice and it makes cry every time, even thinking about it. To know that the man I consider my father, does not even accept me for who I am on the inside, Hurts severely. My siblings accept me fully and I am proud to be related to them. I should not be scared of living in my house, being called a female, told that what I am doing is wrong. I should be allowed to express myself. Every day, I go home, eat, and hear every single “she” that is said and all I want to do is cry my eyes out and scream that I am not a girl. I learned from an early stage of this, to not correct my parents on my pronouns. They would get mad at me, telling me that I had no right to correct them when they said she. But I do, Because I am not a girl, I never was. Looking back, everything I ever felt about being confused, about not feeling right, makes sense.
I do not need someone to tell me who I am. I know who I am. I am Aidan and I am a transgender male. I have no idea what else to tell you. I’m still the same mentally, I am just not a girl. I am a boy. That is who I am. I do not want to change anything about myself because I finally love myself. I know who I am whether or not I have the support of my parents. All I know is that if I am not myself, then I am not who I am supposed to be. That is what matters now, how I feel about myself. It is the most important thing in my life. Being able to express yourself without judgment is hard, but everyone is judged. No one can walk around without someone judging them based on their looks, what they wear. I am judged by what I choose to identify as because it is not “My gender.” In my honest to everything opinion, Gender Roles are Dead. No one needs to identify as a specific thing or person if they do not want to. They have a right to be heard as they are and feel. No matter your opinion of me, I will still be myself. My sister once said, “After all, if you cannot be yourself, who can?”