I believe I’m important. There I said it. I’m perfectly fine so everyone can stop asking. Or am I?
Sometimes I need a reminder that I am important, that I do matter, that I’m not a waste of space, and that people will miss me if I’m gone.
I’ve been called fat. Told that half of what comes out of my mouth is useless. And that I should go die. And sometimes I believe them. Sometimes I sit in my room and cry because I feel alone and useless.
Sometimes when I would have these thoughts, I would think about the attractiveness of my brain shutting off and my conscience being surrounded in pitch black.
And then I would think about the ways that I can fall into that seemingly peaceful abyss. And I cry and cry in the silence of my room because I feel so alone. I feel as if my friends are only friends with me because they pity me. I feel a dome of intimidating thoughts surround me as I start to think about my future. And I start thinking about how I won’t be capable to have anyone like me enough to stay with me, that I’ll be alone forever.
During the summer I spent a lot of time with my friends in my neighborhood. I was at a sleepover at my friends house, talking about what we wanted to do when we grow older, and both my friend and I said we would want to start a youtube channel. After hearing me say this my other friend said, “... but she’s actually funny, and half of what comes out of your mouth is nonsense.” I’m fairly sure that it was meant in a joking manner, but I took it to heart. I’ve always been insecure about not being someone people like, and this comment did not help me with my confidence.
This is a belief that I use every day in my life without even realizing it. Sometimes I look at my two best friends and think that they would be better off without me. That they would be better off how they used to be before I met them and stuck myself into the equation. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think back to what my peers have said about me and all I see is an ugly, flabby, and overweight blob, not the girl that has been called beautiful, smart, and amiable.
I believe that everyone should celebrate their life and believe that they are important. Because in the end, we all are worth something no matter what anyone else says. Everyone should try to look in the mirror and tell themselves that they are important. Because if I can believe it, so can they.
Although I may need a reminder sometimes, I finally feel that I am important, that I am not alone, that I am not a waste of space and that is definitely something to celebrate.