It was the month before my former high school started back up for my Junior year when the news was spilled.
We had been together only a short amount of time when we became dependant on each other. Both mentally ill, our minds weren’t strong enough on their own, and could only function when together. I fell apart shortly after the middle of July when I was sat down and told the deal. I would be moving away, out of my school, away from my friends, and most importantly, away from him. I was already cracked, bruised, and torn, but this could have killed me.
He is my partner in crime, my shoulder to cry on, and pretty much the only steady part in my whole life. I am a nervous wreck that is 1 part human, 2 parts anxiety, and 1 part obsessed. I am not your average teenager; horror ridden and terrified of my own shadow. But he makes it ok and has managed to keep my alive.
Like a freshly turned brown leaf, his eyes captivate you the same way. His mind is complex like a maze and takes many twists and turns when you least expect it. He hates his body, but I find it to be amazing and beautiful, no matter the scars or extra pounds. Warmth, the smell of a fresh spring day, and the laugh of a hyena all make him who he is, and everything about his existence makes me love him more and more with each passing moment.
Our special place was his room. Dark, cold, and yet the warmest place I have ever been. His arms around me as I cuddle against his chest, the huge comforter laced over us as “Minecraft” drones on in the background, covered by his gentle snoring. The open window blew a gentle March breeze into the room as we lay on the floor under the mass of fabric, bodies pressed together for warmth.
I had talked about him every day at least once to almost every single family member I could weasel the topic onto. Just being able to express how I was feeling and what he did for me helped me cope with the pains of everyday life, especially during the move. Surprisingly, my grandparents asked if they could take Gus, my sister, and I to Cedar Point one day, and of course the three of us agreed since none of us had been in a long time. The day went fairly well, and we both had what seemed like the highlight of our ‘17 summer.
Standing in the dry heat of a July night at Cedar Point, tears rolled down my cheeks as the Gate Keeper rushed above us. I was leaving my old home, and my love behind. It wouldn’t be too far, but it felt like a world away. s used his large hand to brush the tears away as I sniffled and beared the breaking of my heart. He too was cHeoked up, embracing me suddenly in a warm hug. It all felt like far too much to handle for a sixteen year old with an already messed up mind. He took his sweatshirt off, and slipped it onto me; kissing my forehead once it was on. “Keep this so that when you feel alone you can hold this and know I am there for you, no matter how far,” he whispered, pulling himself together and giving me a gentle smile. I never knew what true love was until that moment as cliché as that may sound.
I now walk down the halls with a heavy heart and thumping feet of this unfamiliar facility. The other students pass, practically screaming about the latest drama or where they are going once we are dismissed, but I don’t hear a thing. Clouded with anxiety and fear, every day has become a chore. Waking up is just a transition from a dream into a nightmare, and I can’t wake up until he comes around.
When you love someone as much as I love him, your whole world seems to spin only if they are doing alright. You panic when they are ill, cry when they are sad, and get defensive when they are criticized. You become a part of them. Because of this, I wear his jacket at least once a week and always sleep with it. A simple piece of clothing can mean the world to someone.
On days that I get to see him my heart flutters with the power of over ten hundred Monarchs. I feel like my stomach may jump out of me as nervousness builds while waiting for his deep blue 1994 truck to pull up. Every time he walks through my front door it is like the first; my face gets red and I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. He impresses me with each movement and every word he speaks. He’s perfect in my eyes, even if he isn’t in his own.
If you ever find a person that makes you feel like you are meant to be alive you have found a very special being. People always say life is pointless, you die anyways… even I am that way. I went through quite a few petty and pitiful relationships and was about to give up when he swept me off my feet. I waited a bit before I could agree to be with him, and I am glad I have. I haven’t regretted my decision even once. When you find your special person, hold them tight and tell them you love them, because sometimes that’s the only cure to mend a broken soul.