It's hard to breathe and I can't focus. I don't know what they’re going to say. What if they don't accept me? what if they throw me out of the house? what if i can't just get through this? What if everything goes wrong? I shouldn't have told them. What's wrong with me!?!?!
“Ry!” my father called me down, saying i'm coming with him to go get food. That's when i knew that he was gonna talk to me about me being transgender and that I'm his gay son, not his straight daughter. He doesn't have 3 daughters and 3 sons, he never has. 2 daughters and 4 sons is what my parents have always had. The car ride at first was silent then he said, “I like you the way you are and I will treat you the way you want to be treated. Your mother, on the other hand, will have to adapt to this change”
“Papa I know you're confused, but it's not like suddenly I'm a man. I've always been a man,” I explain
“No mom I don't want to wear that,” I yelled at my mom i was only 6 or 7. I knew that I didn't like girl's clothing and would only wear tshirts and shorts or sweatpants and jeans. I never liked dressing up--never have and never will.
“Honey put it on now. You're wearing what i pick out for you.” she demanded
“No!” i ran to my room and grabbed some clothing. Which was a spongebob shirt and green shorts that matched it. Yes I know very cliché but that was my favorite outfit at the time.
I didn’t know the terms of what to call myself at that age but i knew i was different. Ever since then was when my mom stopped picking out my own outfit. Ever since then i have never been willing to wear a dress or anything girly.
As the years progressed i noticed there was a couple people like me that didn't feel right. My first friend, I called him rainbow from him always dying his hair in the 6th grade, and that was when i started exploring why I felt like i was different. until 9th grade. i had friends that kinda knew about me being trans on how i acted but they never really knew cause i was still trying to find myself. They were very accepting about me when i came out to them. True friends wont leave u when your telling them a serious topic. not like the fake ones i used to have.
The friends that accepted me are the ones that introduced me to my really close friend kyler but the thing i didn't know was that he was the guy from the videos i would watch from youtube explaining how his transformation was going. His videos helped me get through some hard times. and its really hard to explain this but i know im always gonna feel like im gonna be in danger because not everyone is gonna support me but ill be able to explain to them. But when my family got to the point again of forcing me into dresses that was when i knew i had to fully come out and tell them. But i didnt know how to so i called kyler up that night. “Hello” he spoke
I didnt speak but he could tell i was upset by how i was breathing. “Ry you need to slow down your breathing” so the next hour he was making me laugh and trying to calm me down tell it got to the point why i called him” Ry why were you upset”
“Well um” i paused taking in a deep breath “ this past week ive felt like i cant live in my own home”
“Why” he asked
“ my parents are forcing me to do stuff i dont want to do”
“I dont feel right in these tight clothing and dresses im being forced into again. It's like my past has caught up with me again and its happening all over again. And i dont know how to tell them.”
“Well i told my parents when i was moving out cause i knew they weren't going to accept me but since you can't take it, you need to tell them.”
“Just tell them if they really loved you they will accept you for you.”
“But what if they don't?”
He stayed on the phone with me for another hour. Being the weirdos we are, we texted each other pictures and memes while we are in a call. I love how he can just drop everything he is doing and just help people when they need it. It's very heart warming.
It was two days later after that call when i finally had the guts to tell my parents but i couldnt say it to their faces so i wrote it out and handed it to my father
“Hand it to mom when you are done reading. Ever since then, my dad has treated me the way i wanted but my mom is still adapting to it. I get why. It's a big change, and my mother has only once called me her little boy. It's a start and it's gonna be a long time tell she fully adapts but I'm willing to get through it.