I Just Need to Talk About It

October 8, 2017
By , Kennebunk, ME

I don't know how to start this to make it cohesive and flowing, but I have been dealing a lot of stress and anxiety lately. If you read my previous works, if you haven't read them feel free to read them), you know that my life can be pretty busy.

Towards the end of my eighth grade school year (in June), a guy added me on snapchat and appeared to show interest in me by giving me compliments about my hair, eyes, and integrity. He claimed that I was very empowering, which was one of the only compliments that I actually accepted from him. He wanted to know all about my life, yet he would barely tell me anything about his life. I knew that he liked two girls that I was friends with, so I was confused when he started flirting with me and sending shirtless snaps. He finally asked one of the girls to homecoming and she said yes. I later found out that he flirts with nearly every girl, and he has caused me a great deal of stress as I have a class with him and I had told him a majority of my issues, including my stress and anxiety, I just haven't told him some of it's because of him.

Of course, my stress and anxiety also comes from my family. I have two older sisters, one a junior in college, one a junior in high school. I am a  freshman in high school, and I do everything for myself. Both of my sisters have celiac disease, so naturally my parents look out for them more. Luckily I like independence and solitude, but if I spend too much time alone trying to clear my thoughts (most of the time by meditating), my parents will deem me antisocial and tell me that I need to be more outgoing in social situations. My eldest sister had her lunch made for her until she went to college, my second oldest sister is still having her lunch made for her, but I have to make my own because my mom doesn't have enough time to make both of our lunches. I just feel like I need some sort of attention, but nobody seems to understand.

My stress and anxiety also comes from school. As a freshman, I am reuqired to take English, World History to 1920, a math class, a physics class, and a foreign language. There are three levels of english. history and math classes: common core, college prep, and honors. I'm taking honors english and honors history. There are also three math classes we can take: algebra 1, geometry, and algebra 2. I took algebra 1 in seventh grade, and geometry in eighth grade, so the only option was algebra 2. My teacher told me to take honors algebra 2, so that's what I'm taking. There are three physics classes: Intro to Physics, Intro to Physics Honors, and Honors Physics. I'm taking Honors Physics, which is weird as a freshman, because it's a senior class. I'm also taking Spanish 2 honors, which is the highest we can go as freshmen. There's so much going on in each class and the homework load isn't leaving me any time to meditate, especially since I have field hockey everyday after school. Field hockey is almost over though, but I may have to go to playoffs that will last another few weeks. 

I believe that many people are going through something like I am, and I would just like to say, you are not alone. I spend at least three nights a week crying myself to sleep because it's so much. I'm introverted so it's hard to talk about, but it's easier to talk about digitally than face to face. My life is one of many affected by stress and anxiety.






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