I was shaking, I could barely breathe. I had to tell her… I had to tell her who I really was, I couldn’t hide it any longer, I couldn’t hide myself. This was 2 years ago, summer of 2015, when I first came out as transgender.
I always knew, ever since I was young I knew. I always liked “the girly stuff” dresses, dolls, shoes, etc. One of my earliest memories was me wishing I was like the other girls. I never told anyone though, I thought that there was something wrong with me, and that tore me up inside, thinking that how I felt was wrong, it hurts more than you can imagine. However, eventually I discovered the term “Transgender”, and everything made sense. I was transgender, a female mind in a male body. I could barely contain my excitement, I finally knew who I was, what I was. I had to tell someone, so I did. I went on to kik (a mobile instant messaging service) and talked to my group of friends, also trans, that I figured out I was trans too! They were so happy for me, but eventually descended onto the topic of my family, oh god my family.
Now, my family isn’t closed minded, at least not on my mom’s side. However it’s still scary telling the ones you love you’re different than they thought you were. “What if she doesn’t accept me” “what if she just ignores me” “what if she gets mad”. These were some of the many fears I had while trying to decide on how to tell my mother. Eventually though, I just bucked up, and told her, I was sweating a cold sweat, shaking almost uncontrollably, I was terrified of what she might think. But, when I told her, more or less brushed it off, basically pretended to not hear it. She tried to ignore it for the next 2 years, but eventually she realized it wasn’t going to go away just by ignoring it, so she completely did a 180 and supports me fully! Of course, family isn’t the only struggle, there’s the issue of just living your life. The pressures to be “normal” are almost overwhelming, you have to dare to break society's mold and be yourself! There are still bumps in the road, there will always be people who are unsupportive, but that’s okay. I’m happy with who I am and that’s all that matters.
Some people aren’t as fortunate as I however, some parents completely disown, kick out, and even threaten their children. Although it is important to be yourself, you should never put yourself in danger, ever, I was lucky to have such a supportive mother, but others aren’t so fortunate.