As I awaken, I hear some of the worst words that you would prefer not to hear, “Come in the living room, we need to talk.” What did I do this time? Nothing that I could think of. Heart is racing, mind is pacing, what did I do? Overthinking begins to overwhelm my brain. Breathing begins to get harder and harder with every step I take as I walk towards the living room. When I arrive my oldest sister is already there. After about 30 seconds of my mom talking to the both of us, I look into my mother’s eyes and I could tell something was wrong. She was trying to make the words coming out of her mouth seem not so terrible. All I could think was “Just spit it out, tell me now, what’s happening.” Within the next few seconds is when all of my emotions hit me at once when she told me what new problem I had to face for the rest of my life.
My parents have been divorced for almost two years now; however, it has never been easy. I never thought anything like that could happen to my family, but when it did, it was as if a bomb had went off unexpectedly in my household. Every once in awhile, there would be huge fights that caused some of us to bicker with one another. In the worst cases, members of the family would even leave the house to try and run away from the problem. I used to be close with my dad, like very close. He was like my best friend and protector. We got along so well that it even made some of my sisters jealous of how close my dad and I were, however, that all changed on April 8th, 2017.
On this morning, I was informed on what had been going on in my father’s life. Him and my mom knew, but none of my sisters knew. My dad had a girlfriend. It may seem not too bad, like I get it, you can move on and find someone else, but that’s not the part that bothered me. It was the fact that my dad had chosen to date a girl that we grew up with her ex-husband’s family. I was disgusted. My family has despised of her ever since she had gotten a divorce with her ex-husband. It is absolutely disgusting, dating a girl whose ex-husband is a family friend. When my mom had told me about his new girlfriend, that’s when all of my emotions had broken out. I was angry that he would replace my mom, disgusted that he was dating her, upset because I felt like I no longer knew my dad, and confused about why he would do this. I thought I knew my dad; why would he do this? This was not an action of the dad I thought I knew.
The dad I knew was caring and understanding. He would do the best he could to help me with my problems. He would listen when no one else would. He would always remind me that he would do anything to protect me. He never made me feel unwanted; he helped me through everything. I talked to him more than I did anyone else in the family. But after this morning, the dad I thought I had known changed completely.
When my mom had told me the news, I broke into tears. I felt all alone. It was as if a part of me was gone. I refused to speak to anyone. I ran to the kitchen to try to be alone, however it didn’t work like that. My mom had followed me into the kitchen trying to figure out which part had made me the most upset. No one could understand the pain I felt that morning.
After a few minutes of my mom trying to reason with me in the kitchen, I pushed through my mom while she was mid-sentence and went straight to my room. She finally got the hint I wanted to be alone. As I walk down the hallway towards my room, tears fall down my face and my heart continues to ache. I felt like my dad had betrayed not only me, but my entire family. I get to my room and I shut my bright white painted door with a faded gold door knob. I grabbed my phone immediately, then laid on my cozy bed. Wrapped in a blue and white fuzzy cotton blanket, my fingers typed away as I texted my boyfriend. I told him to come over as soon as possible, I just needed someone to comfort me. While he was driving, I sat in my room with streams of tears rolling down my face. Tears filled my eyes, causing my room to look like it was underwater. The dirty clothes sprawled across the room just look like a blur of colors. The walls were plain as can be, gray walls with dainty lights hanging from the tops of them. The room was silent.
Ever since this day, I have tried to avoid my father at all costs. When he comes up to me at events, I end the conversation he tries to create and walk away. He acts as if nothing has happened; however, so much has happened that I do not think there is a way to fix any of this. On that day, he had told me he had no regrets with his new girlfriend, and that is what hurt the most. He knew how upset I was because I had sent him several long text messages explaining myself and he always responded with excuses. He tried to make things seem as if it were my fault. It has been almost 6 months since that day, the day I basically lost my father. The day I decided I have only one parent because of the pain he has caused me. For the past 6 months, I have been carrying the three-in-one feeling of confusion, anger, and sadness. It has been 6 months of going through so much pain, because not everyone is who you think they are.