Irreplaceable

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This is for you.


You know who you are. The one person who I put all my trust in and you let me down. More than that, my heart was obliterated. Demolished. Annihilated. Eradicated. I’m still trying to pick up the pieces. I now feel like I cannot trust anyone after what you did. A broken heart doesn't suit me, yet i still wear it because of you. The damage that you caused was fatal. The strongest bond was broken.


This is for you. The person who my parents will not stop asking about, why you aren’t around anymore or why I never bring you up in conversation. Honestly, I can never give them a straight answer. I don’t even fully understand myself. I don’t know why you made the decisions you did. I don’t know why you decided to give everything up just for something irrelevant. Unimportant.


At least I thought.


This is for you, the one who glares at me constantly in the halls. You look at me as if I’m the one who pulverized your heart, your trust. You are not the one who is constantly thinking about what you did wrong, in order to deserve that you did to me. To feel like you are the one who left your closest friend. To get rid of that shoulder that you desperately needed to cry on. You are irreplaceable. No one can take your spot in my heart. You were that important. Were.


This is for you. Every thought, memory, feeling of you is like stubbing your toe or biting your tongue. The absolute worst feeling in the world. Excruciating pain running throughout your body. All you want is for it to stop but it won’t give. There are moments where I'm happiest, but like a tidal wave, memories and feelings of despair wash over me. Again and Again. Pain and hopelessness. All i want is to move on and get over it but I can’t bring myself to. Something keeps on drawing me back, but there’s nothing left. Emptiness.


This is for you. The person who I ran into the other day. You looked as if I’d stabbed you in the chest, or as if I had hit you with my car. I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and bound into you. As I looked into your eyes, I could no longer feel the warmth that once flooded over me. Ice cold. I stood, frozen, in your icy stare. Almost as if you were the snow queen herself, like you turned me into a pile of ice and snow. Worthless, soon to be melted away.  Forgotten.


Once again, this is for you. Once my best friend, now my enemy. I hope you realize that someday I meant something to you. As soon as you come crawling back I will have already moved on. I am strong. Powerful. Glorious without you. I will do better. I will succeed. I will thrive without you.


There’s nothing you can do to hold me back.






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