Every teenager goes through heartbreak. Relationships are everywhere; walking down the hallways, standing by water fountains, waiting by doors after class. People get together and then they break up. I was no different than the majority of people at my high school. Trevor (whose name has been changed) and I started dating at the end of freshman year and we were together for two years. It was a healthy and happy relationship and I can confidently say we were in love. Despite the good times, the way that it ended was rough and hard to explain. He said that his life wasn't going in the direction that he wanted it to and he felt something should change. He said that something should be our relationship. “And what was the point of our being together if we were going to graduate in a year?” I took the breakup really hard. He had become my best friend and was someone I thought I couldn't live without. I had shared so much of myself with him, told him things I had never told anyone else. To have exposed all your vulnerabilities to someone and have them turn around after two years and say that they didn't care for you or want you in their life anymore, was something that really cut deep for me. I felt like a part of me had died, and that part was slowly infecting the rest of me was well. I had no motivation to get out of bed, didn't see a point in interacting with my friends anymore (who were Trevor's friends too and would know what happened). I couldn't see how he could let go of and forget so many things between us.
I know now that what I was going through is something that most teens go through, but I still felt like I was the only one in the world who had ever hurt this bad. I've accepted now what has happened. Am I over it? As over it as anyone ever is about their first love. I know that Trevor will always hold a piece of my heart because at one point he meant so much to me. As cliché as it sounds, I feel like a completely different person now that I was during or before that relationship. I try harder in my friendships because I know how bad it can hurt when you feel alone. The fact that somebody exists that can still make you smile means everything during the bad times. However, I also don't try to hold on to people that don't make an effort to be in my life. Today I laugh a little louder, cry a little harder. I have become a little bit meaner, a little more quiet. I don't care so much about others opinions of how I dress or what I say. It's the subtle shifts that really change a person. I compare it to one of those optical illusion movie covers. Hold it one way and it's a closed box but turn it the other way it it's an open box with birds escaping. It's little things that you don't notice have changed until you look back and realize how different things are.
Sometimes you have to let things die to be able to survive. For me, it felt like walking away from a part of myself. You might not be the same person as before, but that doesn't mean that you are any less “deserving”. You will still have people who love and care for you. I know it's hard to say goodbye, even if it comes to a bitter end. However, once you are capable of walking away from someone or something that has hurt you, you find a strength inside you that you didn't know existed. Even if that something or someone used to be a big part of your life, and made you happy, you can find other things that make you just as happy, even if you once thought that nothing ever could.