I Believe in the Stars

July 19, 2017
By , ventura, CA

I have fallen in love with just sitting and looking at the stars. The cold night air blowing on my face, head tilted back looking up at the endless space. I find such a beauty in the dark there.  It became my safe place, the darkness was my safe place.  And that's where the irony is because when I'm alone in the dark is when I'm most terrified.

The dark can be my safe place, but two years ago it was the scariest place I had ever been. I had been asleep in my friend's room, the room was completely dark. I didn't see him come in. He had made his way over to the bed, I didn't notice until I felt his rough hands against my smooth skin. He untied my pants and slid his hands inside. He slowly rubbed between my legs, and then he forcefully inserted his fingers inside of me. It had hurt so badly, I froze with shock unable to say anything, all I wanted was for it to end. At the end of that night, I was left with a haunting memory and a feeling of never being safe in the dark.

Alone in my room, walking on a street, even when I close my own eyes, if there is darkness there is a fear within me. But when I'm in the dark and I can see the stars I know I'm okay. The stars do two things for me. One they allow me to see the light in all of the darkness, I may be sitting in the dark but I can still see, I can see the little bit of light. There is never total darkness, some sort of light can always be seen within the darkness. And the second was it makes me think about how much more there is than just me. Looking at the solar system, it's huge, and I'm just one itty bitty dot in it. Whenever I'm stressed out or feeling upset because of a problem I just look at the stars and remember how much bigger everything is. How my problem is nothing compared to what is out there. I could be looking at the starts crying about my problems while hundreds of people with their own problems are all gazing at the same stars as me. The night sky, the beautiful glistening stars just put everything into perspective. They show me that light can be found in any darkness.

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