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Runaway Thoughts

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When people die are they with us forever? Or are they above or below us in Heaven or Hell? What is Heaven like? What is Hell like? Those thoughts ran around in my crowded mind. Everything is going around me in slow motion. My hands fly to my face making sure I don’t cry out, making sure a tear doesn’t run down my face. Brown eyes that were just before filled with happiness, sink into sadness. As my smile falls, a frown is there to replace it. My stomach drops, my heart feels heavy. My eyes wander back to the text message from my mom saying Grandma Frey died. These sad brown eyes of mine keep running over the words making sure I read it correctly. The gray leather of the bus seat absorbs me as I sink down into the seat. My head lifts above the tall gray leather seat searching for any judgemental teenagers. In my mind, I silently thank myself for getting onto this oversized caution yellow vehicle before anyone else does. My eyes look to see the beautiful red hair in a beautifully messy bun that belongs to my adored bus driver, her beauty is striking along with her kindness.

Memories, flash in my mind trying to remember the last time I hugged along with the last time I actually talked to her. It has been two years since I saw her joyful face. A few months since I talked to her on the phone. An image of me hugging Andy saying goodbye, and hugging him not even knowing I would never see him alive, or talk to him again. Guilt, flows through my veins wishing I could see them again, or hug them. But cancer took them away from me, forever.

My face narrows to the blue device in my hands, one small object that holds the words. My mind flickers to the memories of today, meeting with the guidance counselor.

“Hi, Jessica! How are you doing today?” She questions looking into my eyes as if searching for the answer.

The familiar air noise from the chair is heard as if it deflates beneath me. I look up to her, eye contact is difficult when you’re expected to leak your emotions to one certain person, at a certain time. My mind wanders to my grandma who has lung cancer, she was put into hospice on Thursday. My heart sinks as I remember it was told to me while on vacation. In the pit of my stomach I knew it was bad, the pool water being my comfort when I was told. I spill little details to this trusted stranger in front of me. The dull voice of mine is heard inside the small confined space called her office. I speak not even knowing my grandma is dead.

Reality came back the memory went away as fast as it came. The feeling was still there, everything froze for a second. I breathed in a sharp breath like I lost my breath for a second. Everything came together again, my mind turned blank as these emotionless brown eyes of mine watched the world outside of the oversized caution yellow vehicle.

The oversized caution yellow vehicle rumbled onto the road, my brown eyes watched the white line on the edge of the road, my mind a blank.





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Rock said...
yesterday at 9:45 am
Wonderful well written story right from the heart. That's a real talent to be able to put emotions to the readers. Well Done!
 
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