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There I was again sitting half up as I watched the sky above me becomes dyed with fiery colors, the yellow orb of light disappearing behind the mountains as only some of its radiant light glows onto my face. I take a deep breath, the only sound I hear are the whispers of the wind. I lay down and watch as shimmering stars show up into the sky like a large hand had just thrown a handful of stars into the sky, scattering them and not leaving one spot empty. I begin to close my eyes. The little voice in my head begins to speak.
“Everything you want is on the other side of fear. You're so close to grasping it but you just seem to not be able to. You're holding onto something you need to let go of.”
It rebukes me. I know I should listen to it but I’m stubborn and try to ignore it but it doesn’t go away. I try to push it away like a wave that slowly makes it way back into the heart of the ocean but each time it comes back to the shore trying to reach out to me and pull me in. My mind is in a constant battle with afraid of failing vs being undaunted.
It’s like I have the little angel on one shoulder while the devil is on the other. One taunting me while the other ones encouraging me. But it seems like I always hear the whispers of the one with the horns and the pointy tail. Always letting him fill my head with negativity. It's like my mind is put in shackles. I keep trying to find the keys but it's useless. That’s when the angel decides to come in and play its role. It never lets me give up until I find those keys. I await for the day when i finally do, so i can set myself free.
I reopen my eyes. I take in a deep breath. The cool breeze in the warm summer night keeps me calm. I begin to think about my past and how i've made it this far up until now.
“What am I so scared of? Why?” I whisper to myself.
I look at the glistening stars.
¨Why do i let myself be afraid? Why am i so afraid to shine like the stars themselves?” I whisper out loud.
The quote ´stars cant shine without darkness´ plays over and over in my head.
My mind is all over the place, it wanders and thinks about everything all at once. I take a long deep breath and just let it all out. But this time something's different. This time I hear the little angels whispers, i feel hope and peace. I fight those thoughts, that make me feel like i'm weak. I look back up at the almost fully gone glowing orb and it makes me think how it continues to shine every single day and i think about how i should be the same. We all have a light in us and some of us may have not found it yet. But once you do all will change.
As I continue to look at the horizon, the glowing orb fully gone the stars that scatter the sky all begin to give off there radiating glow.
I always find myself coming back to the field where I watch the sun begin to disappear and the sky becomes somber. I remind myself the sun will set and I will try again tomorrow where I will continue on the path and never stop walking.