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Mother

It's hard to believe how far we've come. To the changing of my diapers to my teenage rebellion. But mom, it's cause I only see who you are; who you've become as my years went by. Sure when I was small we would do things, watch DVDs till your work became more important to you. I know I'm not strong and as feminine as you wish me to be, but if I bring a drawing to you would it be the same praise as when you used to put them on the fridge? I'm not good enough for this or good enough for that, the only interest you showed was in my grades. Don't you know I need love too? Just cause my brother is a little younger than me and a boy doesn't give him any less reason to do chores like me. I share a bathroom with him, so he should have to clean the tub too. I know you think you know what's best for me but is picking him over me really much better? I spend all my last breath for you if you would just come into my room and watch movies like we used to. I missed how we went together as a girls day, now if I want your attention it involves your boyfriend and my brother. Is it bad enough that I want to die because of you? I know I'm not the child you wanted but that doesn't give any reason to tear my dreams down. I just want you to notice me, accept me as I am. Maybe I wasn't not the smartest kid in school, but at least I tried my hardest. I never cried around you, I believed it only gave you satisfaction.


I never show my feelings cause I'm afraid others will think I'm week. I'm overly kind cause in the bible it says to unto others as you would have them do unto you. Where are those words for you? I can't be built up, so I build others up. I wanted to draw, now I only regret ever continuing. I wanted to write, but there isn'y much of it is there. I work my life away at a job that I never make enough at to move out on my own like you so want me to since I do "nothing" around the home we wanted t be safe in. I was safe. Although his words had hurt us I thought you had a plan for me and you, now it appears that plan only involved you and your boyfriend. Did you know none of mine liked you? Even my friends don't. They've seen how you are, how you yell at me when they are there. I cry in the shower every night because I can't please you. Why can't I make you happy? Why won't you love me? I buy you nice things and you don't even like how they look. When Grandmama died you stopped making sure I had any money on mefor break since you knew what I thought of my school lunches. The machines accept cash not credit cards.


She sill kisses me goodnight even though I'm ninteen. I hope for an apology cause I know you have a temper and that I've got one too. I didn'y start the argument and it wasn't my fault but please stay a little longer and hug me more I'll apologize so you never have to. Tell me you are proud, say that you love me. I wonder every morning if this will be my last hug from her cause I know she speeds on her way to work and I know she does her make up on the way there. Don't leave me I still need you, even when you hurt me. I love you mom just please say you love me too.






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