We want him back. I have never missed someone so much when my brother went to the hospital. The pain of knowing I was just a few feet away from a suicide attempt is so unbearable. Knowing that I could have ended that night sooner than it did. I was young, I didn’t know that the muffled sound of him saying “I’m okay” was him choking himself with a belt. Later that night, I walked down stairs. I knew something was wrong, when I saw a police officer in my kitchen.

That day was a good day. Nice and sunny, nothing could ruin it. Nothing seemed bad, everyone seemed happy. It’s amazing how quickly things can change. That night when I got home from practice, as I stepped in the doorway, my he ran down the steps. I went up stairs thinking nothing of it. A solid fifteen minutes passed, I went to check on him I knocked on the door. Right away a muffled quiver of a sound called out and said “Don’t come in.” I could tell something was up. His voice was way too close to the door. The quiver in his voice was so great, I could tell he had been crying for hours before I got home. I didn’t think much of it then, but I wish I could have figured it out sooner.

The wait was endless. I didn’t know one night could last so long. Fifteen minutes became thirty minutes and thirty minutes became hours. I knew something was up. I thought to myself “He probably fell asleep.” But I knew that wasn’t true. I slowly walked to the door of the bathroom, hoping he would answer. I knocked and to my reassurance he said with an even bigger quiver in his voice “I’m busy!” he tried to yell. I now knew something was up, I had no doubt about it. I wish I could have helped, but my brother shut me out of his life years before his suicide attempt.

Soon my brother got home from work and ran straight to the bathroom and pushed the door open. My brother had gotten told by one of my brothers friends that he was gonna kill himself. So my brother came home early from his job to help. My brother went up to the bathroom door and pushed it down with ease. I didn’t know what was going on, so I stayed in my room and didn’t think much about it. Soon after my parents got home and went straight to the bathroom like my brother did before. I went to say hello, but my mom was in tears as she ran to the bathroom. Never have I seen my mom cry so much. So I went back into my room. I thought it was best not to say or ask about anything. It wasn’t till I came out a half an hour later and saw a cop in my kitchen that I put two and two together and figured out my brother tried to commit suicide by choking himself with a belt.

He’s back now, but he’ll never be the same brother I once knew. I don’t think my family will ever be the same sense that night. That night taught me to be more cautious of what I say to  people and to help them when they are depressed. It taught me to help other people with depression and suicidal thoughts. While helping other people with depression, I learned that I can’t do it by myself, I needed other people to help me with people's depression. You’re saving lives by helping with people’s depression, you can’t do it alone. I hope people never have to go through the same thing my family and I once did.