Moments of Impact

April 10, 2017

My mind is always moving and wondering “what is tomorrow going to be like?” Or “Are things going to get any better?” My response always is “I don’t know.” Sometimes I feel hopeless. It was hot and humid outside like desert dry land. I could smell the smoke from the meat on the grill. It made my mouth water like I was seeing one of those food commercials where they advertise fast food. It was like I could taste the food in my mouth just by the smell of it cooking. It began to get darker by the minute. My mom and her friends were drinking and all the kids and I sat in the living room bored out of our minds. It had gotten so late so fast. Mom and one of her friends Stacey went outside so I followed them to ask mom when everyone was leaving. She said “here soon.” then before I walked in I heard yelling coming from our driveway so I went up there to see what it was. I rushed up the stairs and so I could see what was going on, and mom and Stacey had gotten into a fight. I was yelling “stop!” “stop!” The fight just kept going. I didn’t know what to do. Warm tears rolled straight down my eyes. My mascara rippled down my face thickening up making me look like the Grudge out of a horror movie. I ran inside and told all the kids, and they followed me outside. My grandma was right next door so I called her and told her. She said for all the kids to come over there, but I didn’t want to leave my mom. Now today I look back I always see the social workers, the courtrooms, and the hugs goodbye. My heart skips a beat every time like it’s happening over again. Like a horrible nightmare that scared me for life. It sticks to me like deodorant; no matter how much I run it off it always comes back It was like saying goodbye forever. Drifting away with blurred vision and heavily breathing joining into the system I flashback to today. I have gone through two therapists and just now my third. I had been removed from my immediate family members for unbelievable jaw-dropping reasons. It was the one chance my family didn’t get, like being picked for the unpicked. This had to be taken from us for a reason, but there is no going back it’s entire to late. I wish I could go do things on my own. Suddenly things became clear again. I got to finally visit my family and meet my precious bundle of joy. Staring into her big blue eyes made me wonder more about the aspects of life, and it made me happy to know she didn’t see this nightmare. After all, this has taken place I have realized that my grandma, my mom, and my sisters make me crave for the better, but it’s only this incident that gets bruised more and more and creates a roadblock on my path; the path that has made me who I am.

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