A Wish I Will Never Take Back

March 7, 2017
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When I was younger, one of my older sisters told me that at 11:11 every day, I could make a wish. From that day on I was hooked. Over the past several years I have made more wishes than I can count, and so many have come true. In the spring of my eighth grade year I made one of the best wishes of my life, I wished for a best friend.


I had never had a best friend before. Nobody to share my secrets with, spend every weekend with and talk about anything to. I desperately wanted one of those friendships seen in movies. 

My wish came true in the beginning of my freshman year of high school. I had almost every class with my friend Isabel, and we were like peas and carrots. One day at lunch, Isabel told me I was her best friend, I responded saying that she was my best friend too. It was a simple conversation, but that was the first time we ever declared ourselves best friends. I was overjoyed that God had finally answered my wish. I recall feeling so excited during that whole month, I could barely sit still. During the school year we were always inseparable. However, every summer we never seemed to be as close. Our relationship was extremely inconsistent and contingent on school.
Isabel and I made many memories together in both the summer and school year. We went to bible camp every summer, spent days at the lake with one another, had jam sessions in her mini van, and dealt with volleyball politics together. My favorite part of our friendship was how we kept each other accountable. Neither of us desired to make poor life decisions, and we kept each other accountable to that. We had the same morals and we both encouraged each other in school and in our faith. Every weekend we would get together and do homework, have bonfires, or watch movies at her house. Her brother Gabe would constantly pick on us and I remember laughing for hours after we got our revenge. If we were not together, we were talking on the phone. Our longest phone call was five hours and twenty-four minutes because talking to each other was so easy. We would talk about anything and everything. For example, the homework we had to do, the boys we liked, and the latest gossip on Gabe and his crush.

We were also known as “the church girls,” because we went to youth group, Sunday school and bible camp together. I do not think I could have continued in church activities without having her to spend my time with. The majority of students at our church are home schooled, so Isabel and I did not connect with them as well.

Arguments would happen between the both of us, but that is a part of any healthy friendship. I’m very competitive in almost everything I do, and I get jealous over small things. Isabel also gets jealous easily, and she used to flaunt her innocence a lot. Anytime we’d get in an argument we would get over it within a few minutes. Apart from said arguments, it was a friendship seen in the movies. The friendship I’d always wanted. We had countless “inside jokes” and we loved to bring them up whenever possible just to laugh with each other. Nobody else in the world would ever know our secrets; the secrets that kept us close.

The summer after my sophomore year, it got hard to balance spending time with both my boyfriend and my best friend. Isabel and I used to spend every weekend together, but things changed when that did not happen as often. It drove a wedge between Isabel and me, and after a while, we didn't talk at all. We still hung out when we could, but our friendship was on the rocks. We both knew we were not as close as we used to be, but everything was made out to be normal.

The first trimester of junior year, Isabel and I only had two classes together. Our lockers were right next to one another and we never said more than ten words to each other. Talking used to be so easy. During this time, my boyfriend, Cole, and I broke up and things continually became worse. Isabel, Cole, and their friend, Jack, became the best of friends. At first, the four of us hung out a few times, but within a couple of weeks I was no longer invited. I still had feelings for Cole, so seeing him with other people wasn't easy. After a few weeks, it became apparent that Isabel liked Cole, but she would never say anything because she knew I did too. In that way, she was a good friend, but it didn't make it hurt any less. A bitter taste sat in my mouth and kept me from saying anything about it. My best friend and ex boyfriend hung out on the regular and neither of them wanted anything to do with me.

It hurt, a lot.

On the first day of second trimester, the tension was released. Isabel and I knew we needed to discuss the situation, so she suggested to facetime that night. The conversation started like any other, talking about our day, and all the homework we have. Eventually we got to the issue; we talked about how we’ve both changed, and become distant. I remember her saying, “...this past trimester I've started to hang out with other people, and I have a lot more fun with them, and I can be myself around them...” It caught me off guard knowing that she didn't think she could be herself around me. Maybe she was right, maybe we were both just too caught up with ourselves that we never really shared our deepest thoughts. Out of the hour that we talked, about half the time was spent in silence. We didn't know what to say. There was nothing to say. As I wiped my watery eyes, I felt my hands against my face; they were trembling and felt as cold as a corpse. I remember the end of the call perfectly, Isabel broke the silence with a *wavering voice,

“Well, I guess that's it then.”

I responded, “Yeah, I guess.”

I ended the call and immediately started bawling. At first I was mad at her for comments she had made, but I wasn't so much mad as I was hurt. I don't remember getting much sleep that night. The next two weeks were awful. Isabel had her new group of friends, and I was left with the new friends I forgot to make. I felt empty and scared. It was as if I was suffocating in a sea of people and no one could see me dying, maybe no one cared.

I remember crying myself to sleep most nights thinking about all the things I lacked. I lost my boyfriend, my best friend, the friends Isabel and I shared, and even my sisters weren't around. I felt completely alone. The one person I would normally call in this situation was Isabel, and that wasn’t an option anymore.

Everything happens for a reason, and I think it all happened for the best. To this day I think we are both happier with the new friends we have, and where our lives are headed. It will never be the same as it used to be, but we are friends again. And for that, I'm grateful. As of now, it's 11:11 and I know exactly what I'm wishing for.

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