My Massive Screw-up

March 2, 2017

Hi there, my name is Matthew and this is the story of how I really screwed up and underestimated some people who are actually a heck of a lot smarter than I thought they were. 


The story starts with taekwondo, where I meet a girl (let’s just call her Jane for the story) and boyfriend (let’s call him Frank). Skip over the timeline a little; so I’m going to school with Jane’s best friend, who we shall call Susie. We have a few classes together but we never really talk until Jane tells me that Susie is her best friend, and then we talk maybe once or twice until the end of the year, which is when we start talking more due to obsessions and issues I will further explain.


Oh right, before the story goes any further, there’s a key element I’ve left out so far. I have an alter personality whom I created and it comes out a lot and just wants to destroy everything and cause bad things. Actually I’m pretty sure it’s more of a demon, but I kinda love this horrible part of me because it gives me an excuse to be self-pitying and really pathetic. “I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed; get along with the voices inside my head” kind of scenario, you know what I’m saying. Metaphorical bed though; I’m talking about inside my head (that rhymes omg I’m a poet who writes creepy uninspired poetry that’s as stiff as a, well, you know, the thing I don’t have). Anyways, enough digression, back to the story.


So towards the end of the school year I develop this crush on a girl in one of the classes that Susie and I share, who we’ll call Henrietta. I’m not sure if by this point I’m obsessed with Jane yet, but we’ll pretend I’m not and continue with the story anyway. So I start asking Jane for advice and whatnot about what I should do with this girl and all, and Jane encourages me to make a move, so I ask Henrietta to prom and get shot down because I’m ugly and blah blah blah stuff happens and all.


Fast forward a while because I’m sick of the details and I don’t want this story to drag on. I start talking to Jane’s best friend Susie online, and we continue this for the entire summer, and once or twice Susie comes to taekwondo with Jane, who I also talk with online every now and then. At this point, both Jane and Susie know about alter personality Unnamed 1.0, and they’ve confronted it when it came out while we were talking online. 


So yea, first school semester comes up and Susie and I are going to the same school and all, so after the first week of school is over I tell her that I like her and ask her out, to which Susie says yes because she is naïve and actually believes I like her, but here’s the thing: I don’t like Susie whatsoever and she’s just a talk buddy and my real obsession is Jane but I can’t get close to her without a valid alias so I’m just using Susie as a disguise.


Fast forward two months into the relationship. I’ve caused no end of hell for Susie and Jane, and two more of my existing alter personalities have been revealed, and Unnamed 1.0 is dead (apparently). At this point I don’t know if any of them are real though, but they’re a great way to cause hell and hide my sociopathic personality behind. So by now I’ve gotten more and more emotionally manipulative and horrible and haha, Susie and Jane don’t suspect a thing because they actually believe in me and think I’m good. All the while, I’m slowly working away trying to break the bonds between Jane and her boyfriend Frank so I can take Jane for myself, and working on a scheme for getting Susie out of the picture too. Then unexpectedly, Susie breaks up with me because she’s catching onto how damaging my emotional manipulation is. At first I’m caught off guard, but this is the perfect chance to manipulate more by pretending I’m devastated and run to Jane, who of course will be there for me all the time no matter how much it drains her because she’s such a good person and good people are the easiest to manipulate.


After a week or so of causing endless hell to Jane as I pretend to be heartbroken about Susie, I figure that I can’t keep this up forever so I have to somehow bring back Susie to use as a link to Jane. Manipulation, manipulation, manipulation; lying, lying, deceiving, etc, etc, etc. Fast forward again; I’ve weaseled myself back into Susie’s life, who I put under a heck of a ton of pressure about coming back to me, which makes it seem to Jane like I’m still after Susie and not interested in her whatsoever. This is perfect, because then I return to my old plan of slowly breaking apart the bonds between Jane and Frank, and also the bonds between Jane and Susie.


Hundreds of lies later, Susie revolts. My plan to use my alter personalities and “fragile” emotional and mental state to get her to come back to me as my meat shield again fails. She tells me we’ll never get back together and she doesn’t even want to be friends anymore. In my rage I create another personality, Unnamed 2.0 who is even more psychotic than the last one. Oh yea, at this point one of my two main alter personalities is gone too, but the other one, who I know is far worse, still remains having left at some point and then returned (apparently).


Anyways, this development with Susie is the worst, because that means I can no longer use her to get to Jane, so I know that I have to manipulate myself back into her life. After Unnamed 2.0 is killed, I say that all of my psychosis is completely gone and try to continue to talk to Susie, who is hesitant but is willing to talk instead to my only remaining alter personality who occasionally “checks up” on her. I still talk to Jane, but she talks less and less and I know I need to do something to rope her back into my evil manipulative clutches. 


So what better way to do that than to drop a bomb? I tell her about a bunch of stuff, saying I’m coming clean of all my lies (but half of my confessions were lies or half-lies anyway). Jane passes this information onto Susie, who loses it since I mentioned the fact that I didn’t like her in the beginning of our relationship (I omitted the fact that I never really liked her at all and was just using her), but on the strength of that she cuts all ties to me. At this point I don’t really care since I think that the bond between Jane and Susie is weak enough and that Jane is on my side. Oh boy, am I ever wrong. Not long after, Jane stops talking to me completely. Now I’m really in it deep. 


Fast forward yet again; I contact Susie over email since that’s the last place she hasn’t blocked me. I write a whole bunch of manipulative bullsh*t before I inform her about some books she forgot at school. Both she and Frank, who I still play card games with at taekwondo, tell me to bring the books to taekwondo so Frank can give them to Jane, who will pass them on to Susie. Since that means I’ll have no way to manipulate anybody, I ignore them and drop the books off at Jane’s house while Susie is over along with a little note that I know Jane will read too. I expect that Susie will lose it again and contact me, and maybe Jane will too, but once again I am wrong. They send dumb Frank to come get mad at me, who I decide to suck up to from then on. That way I can work from the other side of Frank and Jane’s relationship.


So yea, that plan doesn’t work very well since Frank sees right through me, and I know he can cut all ties with me any time he likes which means I’ll lose my last link to Jane, so I know I have to secure the connection between Frank and me. 


To make a long story short, I try to trick Frank but I fail, then I try to save my rear and also fail with that too. So that’s where I am now, floundering desperately and on the verge of complete and utter defeat. I doubt I’m going to be getting myself out of this mess.


The funny thing is I don’t even know that Frank, Jane, and Susie have me completely figured out. I thought I was smarter than them and that they were basically my playthings, but it turns out I didn’t know them at all and that their bonds are a heck of a ton stronger than I thought. I’m never going to win.


So kids, the moral of the story is to not screw with people who are much, much, much smarter and stronger than you, even if you could manipulate a few of them at first because you only ever saw their weakest sides. All in all, don’t mess with Susies and Janes when they have a common hatred for you, and don’t mess with Franks because they have absolutely no tolerance for bullsh*t. You’ll just end up totally f*cked like me. And what makes this even funnier is that I haven’t even seen how freaking scary they can actually be yet. Ha, I’m in for a wakeup call.


The End



Side note: This is only part of the story. I left out quite a few details, which include the times I tried to strangle both Jane and Susie, all the death threats, the times I left bruises on Susie and twisted her arms knowing full well that she hated that, and of course each and every instance of psychological and emotional abuse/manipulation towards Jane and Susie. Also I didn’t mention all my pathetic and cowardly personality traits because I’m so bent on making myself look good all the time. Oh and the time I hated Jane and Susie so much that apparently I forgot them for a day. Lmfao

The author's comments:

I'm such a loser.

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