You Colored with Crayons

You were needed and were cried about a million different times, and if love could have saved you, you would have never passed away.  Some days laying in bed crying is the only option to make the day better because the thought of you really not being here comes to reality. Constantly laughing due to the fact of hiding my first boyfriend from you. Still jealous of how great you colored with crayons. Also, never forget you teaching how to color with them. One of the biggest things you are missed for is that you loved people for themselves. Saying that missing you isn't what is the hardest is the biggest lie to tell anyone. Never be able to paint your nails again, go get ice cream together when it's really needed or be able to hear you you speak words of wisdom to my face. A young heart has been abandoned by losing you. Looking over a pair of shoulders carrying them through this messed up world is what you did. Basketball games, accomplishments and more are dedicated to you.They are played for you because you loved seeing the smile it created. Now it’s your turn to smile. Knowing you aren’t suffering anymore is good for you, but having to convince a fragile heart that you are at ease has been the hardest. Your sense of humor, bright green eyes, and funny jokes are missed. It not easy not having you here to tell say that if a boy breaks your little girl's heart he better watch out. You said everything would be okay. Hearing it from you felt so relieving and felt so easy to believe. Now that you're not here, trying to take it all in isn’t as easy to believe and isn’t as easy as when you said it. Some days are easier than others. Why’d you have to go so soon? You never said you were leaving and you never said goodbye. Only you know why things happened the way things did because you are truly home. Eyes holding in tears, when you get brought up and a heart on fire with emotions comes back day after day. It actually never goes away honestly. You would hold onto little hands with a grip so so relaxing that it could make you forget all of the bad things in your day. You would come and take away problems. Lift up the broken and heal them again. In life you were loved so deeply and in death you are continuously loved. If “one more wishes” were a real thing and came true, you would have a lot waiting. One more hug. One more lunch date. One more day of coloring with crayons together. One more kiss. Most importantly, one more chance to say goodbye. Until then, the privilege of getting to remember you and how precious your life was is more than enough. Some day all of those things will come true though. Separated by death but forever together by love. Love you and miss you so much dad.

 

Love,


Katlin






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