4 and a half years. 4 and a half years when my Mom was originally diagnosed. I could talk about this from an optimistic point of view where I sugar coat the whole story and make it sound like it wasn’t as bad as people may think. I won’t because that simply isn’t true. I’m not going to be a pessimist either. I'm not going to talk about how the world is a harsh unforgiving place either the whole time because I feel like it would be doing a disservice to everyone. I'm well aware that many people have gone through harder times than what I had gone through. I am going to try to be as realistic as possible while telling this story.

I was 11 when I remember being in my Mom’s room as she noticed there was a lump on her. She was extremely scared and was worried about this and we were planning on going to California the next day. After a long discussion we decided to go to California and she would visit the doctors as soon as we got back from California so a few weeks passed while we were there and when she came back visited the doctors and they performed tests. I know I forgot about the lump all together because of the trip and my mind was on different things but one evening I was with my mom at the homeless shelter she let us come because me and my siblings could help clean, distract kids or whatever.

Her shift was nearly done and she got a call from the doctor saying she had cancer.She was frozen like a deer in headlights and then she started bawling. By some strange coincidence my grandparents were in the area and stopped by and they have never stopped by there once to see us. They stopped by and saw her crying and they were wondering whats wrong when she told them they were stunned as well. Anyway she drove me home and I remember throughout the whole drive I was worried we were going to crash because she definitely wasn’t in the right state of mind. We got home safely luckily and she made very frequent trips to various doctors throughout that year. I have fuzzy memories of certain parts but none of that matters eventually the cancer disappeared from the repeated attacks by chemotherapy and radiation.

She was in remission for quite some time. I don’t remember how I was feeling most of the time because I was young. You would be very surprised if you realized how little you actually remember when you were 10, 11, 12, and 13. I can’t tell you a whole lot about those years. In August of last year it came back. I remembered from the first run with cancer she would tell us if the cancer comes back I'm not fighting it. I am extremely thankful that she was bluffing because it extended her life by a few months which may not seem like a lot but it definitely felt like it.

I remember far more details because I was and am older. Through those months I watched my mom devolve from the smart person she was into a much more neanderthal state. It got worse slowly but hit a very sharp spike in early June. She passed June 20th at 2:30 AM. I remember every detail of the day before and that day. I remember I was walking to Dominos talking to my Grandmother about the Cold War and nuclear bombs. I also remember walking through the hallways of the hospital and getting a soda with my Dad. I wonder why I remember these things but not more important things such as many of the memories during these times.  After she died I kept thinking what happens next. This thought occurred so many times in my head. I guess I thought that some giant event would come but it never came.  

So months past school began and life has just went on. I remember being frustrated that people constantly were complaining about minor things such as being grounded or not getting a new pair of shoes people wanted. This made me a much more bitter person, now I don’t let it get to me. I do feel like complaining does happen way too much and I'm in no way saying you shouldn’t be upset. If you get grounded or if you don’t get a new pair of shoes but don’t allow it to constantly dwell over you like a parasite. If there is one thing that I hope as many people as possible get from this story is don’t sweat the little things because in the grand scheme of things they won’t matter.