The world seems like a place full of rainbows and fluffy kittens. Each of us placed on a big soft cloud, where we have our space to be free. No worries, just happiness. Until, a storm comes and ruins everything.
I open my eyes, to a loud noise, causing my room to shake. The rain hits my window making it harder to sleep. And I know I will be getting no sleep tonight. I turn to my side, and something feels uncomfortable. Saying it is just a bruise, I turn on my phone, and in a blink of an eye, I fall back to sleep, to fantasize about unicorns and rainbows. It is the little things that we overlook, that come back to haunt us in the end.
“You are going to need surgery.”
“What?” I say confusingly.
“It’s time to get up, I said you are going to be late!” My mom yells, from down the hall.
It's usually a regular day at school, the regular conversations about who likes who, the regular annoying classmates, and the regular homework, which I will drown in later. Today, seemed different for some reason. A feeling as if I am grasping for air, like the oxygen in the room is light and I am no longer a free cloud.
The thermometer says I’m not sick. Actually it says, I am perfectly fine. Who declared that they can tell you if you are sick not? Yet, people listen to their little lies that everything is fine. I fell for that trap, thinking that little object staring me in the eye, was telling me the truth. In the end, I would like to see this thermometer’s PhD.
For a second everything feels normal, the usual everlasting cupcakes, the dancing and singing, and those adorable baby kittens that make you squeal. The stars finally go out and darkness and pain occur, my cloud is more like concrete, and I have fallen.
Two weeks later- 12:30 P.M
The room is cold, and I look to my arm to see ten to thousands of goosebumps spreading like a disease. The dull curtains bring sadness to my heart, how did I end up here? It is crazy how life changes so fast. In one minute you are laughing your heart out, and then the next minute you are finding out what is wrong with you. I hate doctors office’s they tend to be very depressing. Which does not make sense since, they should try and cheer up their patients from the bad news that they receive. This room should make some adjustments to their Welcoming committee then.
The door creaks and the doctor enters. Her pace of walking is slow enough, if you counted the time between each step, you would feel like a robot. She drops the papers on the desk, causing dust to fly everywhere. Could this place get anymore old and depressing?
“So the thing that has been bothering you is a tumor.” My heart drops and it breaks right in front of me.
“You are going to need surgery.” The doctor says. Deja vu right?
“To see if it is cancerous or not.” I try to hold back the tears. But the tears are fighting to come out, to show that I am weak. The reason I hold back the tears is because of my mother. I’m her only girl, her little girl. To see, me cry would break her heart, and there's already one broken heart in this room, I am not going to make it two. I would feel bad for the janitors who would have to clean it up.
The night before the surgery- 3:00 A.M
“You are going to start to feel sleepy.” I hear a faint voice, and then I start drowning. Water filling my lungs, something must of went wrong. I am loosing oxygen, the only thing left is water, and water, and also more water. In this the end? “Don’t give up” I tell myself, I start to fight, I scream and kick, causing the water to be digested. I can not wake up, the medicine is holding me down, laughing in my face, taunting me. I can’t move please someone help me, HELP ME PLEASE. BEEP BEEP BEEP.
I rub my eyes, causing black to appear on my hand from the mascara I forgot to take off. As a slug, I crawl out of bed and leave my room. It's surgery day, and right now I do not feel that scared.
Okay, I’m scared.
In the car, it’s quite. My mom has her brave face on and I decide also to put my mask on to hide that I am weak and scared. Looking out the window, the world looks different, the children at the playground are so young, I am no longer among them. Time is stolen, I am forced to grow up with no choice. “But, what about Peter Pan?” some will say, he is fictional, I hate to break it to you. All of us are going to have to grow up at one point. As a kid we seem as we always want to get older to be able to drive, vote, enter the lottery. Yet, once you do all these things nothing will be left, there is nothing special and you will be wishing you hadn’t fast tracked your life.
I have never had to say my birthday so many times in my life. Ever corner I turn I get a, “What’s your birthday?” I’m going to go nuts here. I am given a room, which technically is not even, it is just a bed and three curtains. I feel like I am an exhibit and all these predators have their eyes on me.
A lady enters the room with a smile so fake that if she used scotch tape I would be able to pull it right off of her face. She tells me everything is going to be alright. If everything thing was alright I wouldn’t be here. I start to zone off and pay my attention to this mural on the ceiling. The mural contains animals showing the feeling of happiness. The mural does not make me happy it makes me sad, the noises in this room make me sad. The waterworks come out and I sob. The lady probably thinks it is her fault, but it is not.
My body flinches as the needle pinches my skin. I turn my head to the right to look at the arm that has just been impaled. It does not look like my arm any more as it is covered in wires, and bolts and nuts.
“I love you sweetie.” My mom says with tears rising up.
“You are going to start to feel sleepy.”
I look up at that mural one more time, my vision becomes blurry, and I’m out. This time I don’t drown.
“Alright people let’s get started.”
In this dream, It didn’t go well, it’s worse. The doctors, can’t fix me, I am a broken toy left on a shelf. To be never used again to make someone happy. I have a thing for being happy, if we do not go through life happy are we even living?
“Alright so now let’s make an incision right here.”
The tables are turned, I am okay, I know I am okay, the surgery went well. I am back to being normal. Yet, normal is boring. We all want to be normal right? Perfect even. But, unlike the others I think that if we are all normal, then their is no fun in the world. no laughter, no friendships, no relationships, no love. It would be like loving yourself. A whole world full of toy soldiers.
“Now let’s pull the tumor out, slowly.”
A piece of me is being taken, I am one less now. I’m no longer concrete, I am light and fluffy and free, I rise.
“Hi sweetie it’s mommie.”
My vision returns, and once again, I’m looking up at the mural , this time I’m happy.
The world seems like a place full of rainbows and fluffy kittens. Each of us placed on a big soft cloud, where we have our space to be free. No worries, just happiness. Until, a storm comes and ruins everything. To be fair not all storms are bad, some can be beneficial. I am not weak or scared anymore, I am just a happy cloud that captures your attention..
The next morning: 3:00 A.M
I open my eyes, to a loud noise, causing my room to shake. The rain hits my window, yet it will not effect my sleep. A chip has been lifted off my shoulder, and once again I can return to the free cloud, that everybody loves. I will not bring myself down anymore, all things happen for a reason, and this reason changed my life forever.