To the heart-broken me,
I am not going to tell you not to do it; that whole thing has a hell of an experience. Even if it ended tragically. I hate to admit it now, but you needed it. It was what you thought your first taste of love was; and it was most certainly your first encounter with heart-break. It hurts worse than any pain you’ve ever felt; I know, I was there. Right now you think you’ll never be able to stop crying, but you need to know you come out strong and on top of things. Stop wasting your tears. I know you’re going to want to get on your phone and scroll through your endless endeavor of pictures with him, you’re going to want to constantly re-play the same movie you two used to watch together all the time. You will want to drive over an hour away and sit in the parking-lot of the ice rink where you had your first date. You will miss the way he could throw you over his shoulder, just as effortlessly as he could make you laugh. You’ll miss the way your hand fit so perfectly in his. You’ll wish you could still be in his bed eating pizza from the mini-mart down the street, while streaming his favorite episode of Trailer Park Boys. You’ll miss the feeling you got when his little sister ran up to hug you every time you walked through the door. You will long for the smell of his cologne after your tears wash it off of the hoodie of his you stole; although it won’t stop you from sleeping with it every night for the week following your break-up. I want to tell you to just stop. Stop thinking about him, stop replaying all the memories prancing around in your head. I know it’s harder than it sounds, I couldn’t. Regardless, I know you won’t listen to me; that is not who we are. If anything, please do me a favor and just stop telling yourself it was your fault that he cheated on you. You owe yourself that much. You had absolutely no control, or influence over his choice. There was nothing you could have done to change our fate, and no; sleeping with him would not have changed a thing, so you can go ahead and get that thought out of your mind right now Hun. Believe me or not, I’m not trying to be harsh, just get my point across. I am so proud of how far you come though. Even if you still don’t think the tears will stop coming, just know you end up 10x better off. I know, I know it sounds far-fetched, but let me tell you why if you don’t believe me.
You meet someone. Remember that boy you used to have a hopeless crush on? The boy’s life you tried to be part of one way or another? Yeah, him. At first you don’t think it will be much, just a fun fling, someone to fulfill your cuddling needs. But man oh man were you wrong. This boy becomes one of your favorite things, he becomes your other half. Now he is the reason behind all your laughter and too excited smiles. He is your new partner in crime, the new supporter of your dreams. He’s your personal dedicated fan on the sidelines; even after you told him not to come because you know you won’t play. He does it anyways though, and it still brings a smile onto your face from across the field. He’s the one you spend your summer with; laying out admiring all the stars the sky has to offer for hours on end. His touch becomes your sanctuary, an instant sensation of safety and comfort when you collide. His eyes, like all the myriad shades of blue swirled together, become the first thing you look for when you enter a room. Sounds pretty great, doesn’t it? I can’t wait for you to meet him. Until you stop feeling so empty inside; until you stop mopping around, until you start smiling again. He ends up showing you some of the best times of your life. When he asks you if you want to go jump off that bridge, say yes. Don’t worry, you live, I’m still here. You two actually have a lot of fun together. When he drifts around the corner going almost 80 mph, don’t give him an attitude, you only get into a fight. Just know that eventually, it stops. You should actually thank him, the previous guy; because he makes you much more appreciative of your new found, real love. All your tears weren’t for nothing. I just wish you could skip pass all the hurt, and straight into loving him.
Unfortunately, I have figured out how to jump through time yet, so you have to endure the storm before you find your rainbow.
He surprises you all the time; each in a different way. You absentmindedly text him about your crazy craving for blackberry ice-cream? He’s there in under 10 minutes ready to pick you up and indulge with you. You complain you’re hungry but there’s still nothing to eat in the house no matter how many times you look? Bam. He’s there with something to appease your appetite, usually your favorite sub from Subway. He knows food is one of the many keys that can open the door to your heart. Don’t fret when you fall sick with strep and the antibiotics don’t seem to be working. He is there every night risking his health just so he can lay there and play with your hair to help you fall asleep. I mean, right now there is no way can know this, but you and mom get into a really big fight before school one day. When you come walking through the smudged glass doors of school, with hot tears streaming down your face, he will be there to wipe them off your rosy red cheeks; pull you into a hug, and reassure you everything will be alright. He can make you forget about all the bad in an instant, turn your tears into a smile.
Just take into consideration that is hope for you. You, we, are capable of so much more than you think. Underneath all that “sad girl” is still your compassion, determination and strong-will. So when you’re done reading this; I want you to crawl out from underneath your comforter and walk over to the windows and pull back those lilac curtains to let in some much needed light. Oh, and while you’re up, you might want to put on some real pants; because the love of your life is sitting downstairs in your living room listening to your mom and brother conjuring up ideas on how to make you feel better. Little did they know that their answer was sitting right in front of them; leaning against the back of the couch.