A Modest Proposal: A Satirical Solution for Gun Regulation

November 11, 2016



It is a melancholy object to control how individuals can obtain a firearm and manipulate the second amendment to create requirements to purchase a firearm over the people’s rights. If the conflict between the United States Legislature and the citizens of the US is not solved, many Americans all over may become engulfed in an outrage. Innocent civilians will not have a way to defend themselves if they do not meet the requirements many people are demanding the United States Legislature must create, which will result in an immaculate increase in murders and mass shootings. Ill minded people will obtain firearms illegally, which will give them huge opportunities to commit horrible deeds because not as many people will be able to defend themselves and others in such a situation.


I think it’s agreed by all parties that the life-threatening occurrence of shootings and murder is a serious matter. If the issue of mentally and emotionally unstable people obtaining firearms so nonchalantly is not addressed, more people will be either killed or injured severely. -exaggeration Someone must fabricate a remedy for the situation at hand. If someone creates a perfect solution to the problem must be awarded with a nobel for their research and should be given a large sum of money for their efforts.

But my intention is far from being confined to provide only for the betterment of the safety of the people. Finding the people who are the problem will benefit society immensely! For example, a person attempting to purchase a firearm can be asked questions or tested to separate individuals who are within good minded intentions from people who are ill minded with horrid intentions.- verbal irony this is verbal irony, because most ill minded people don’t have horrid intentions.

As to my own part, I have studied the proposals of other projectors, and concluded that they are not nearly as efficient as they claim to be. A solution that I had researched, was created by an author by the name of Eugene Volokh, where he stated his solution would be best, because the use of non-lethal weapons for self defense would help immensely. Another solution that was found stated how a system of testing with actual weaponry would be appropriate for helping single out the ill minded from the good willed people. This solution was created by a man by the name of Joseph Blocher, who does not think of the repercussions if an ill minded person happens to pass these tests.- hyperbole If the problem is not stopped by these authors, more and more killings will occur. My solution will be best, because it creates a safe environment for the people, and it is extremely difficult for ill minded people to meet these regulations.

I will now present my own idea, which I hope will not be subject to any disagreement.

I humbly offer it to public consideration that humankind as a cohesive and cooperative unit, should create a system of regulations where every person looking to purchase a firearm must come in with a smile on their face. Citizens must come into the building with a smile to represent their inner happiness, to prove they are not emotionally unstable and ready to kill.- hyperbole/exaggeration This is an exaggeration, because not all mentally or emotionally ill are ready to kill at any moment.

In this scenario people will have to smile as they come in to show they are sane. This in return will single out some of the emotionally unstable, because the emotionally unstable are usually angry or sad and cannot be happy, so they must be dealt with immediately.- hyperbole This is a hyperbole, because the statement should not be taken seriously at all by the readers.

Of course… this will not catch all of the mentally ill, so I have come up with another step to the solution that will surely capture every last person who is remotely emotionally or mentally unstable!- hyperbole/ verbal irony This is a hyperbole or verbal irony, because it a statement that is not serious what so ever and isn’t taken seriously and there is no way that every mentally ill person can be caught regardless.

These drastic and sudden changes may be difficult to get every facility that has the sales of firearms taking place, but it MUST be done to improve the safety of the people and prevent school shootings and many other mass killings!

I can think of no valid objection that may be introduced to antagonize this proposal. Although, some may say that there is a slight possibility that some  mentally unstable individuals may meet these requirements, but there is no possible way that a mentally insane or emotionally unstable person could be happy and polite for the time it takes to purchase a firearm. This solution creates an impenetrable fortress that cannot be passed unless the person purchasing a weapon is mentally stable enough to meet these requirements.

Again, no one should dare to suggest these notions to me until they have a small spark of hope that these actions may be implemented.

It is not that I do not respect the input of others on the subject of solutions to this topic, but simply that I have worked many years to create this feasible solution. It is the only solution that will work, because many people who are mentally and emotionally unstable,will not have the ability to meet these requirements that they are being asked of when they enter a facility to purchase a firearm. There are no flaws in this solution, so there it is only possible to meet these requirements unless you are mentally stable.

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