She’d said it before, but it had been a blank threat. She doesn’t actually mean it, I thought to myself, She can’t do that. This time was different, though. As tears streamed down her face, there was a tone in her voice, full of anger, but also sadness. I knew I’d messed up, and that she was serious.

“Go live with your dad!”

My mom and I had fought before. She’d threatened to send me to my dad’s house multiple times, but she and I both knew it would never happen. My dad was never home, she couldn’t do that to me, she loved me too much. But now she could. Now that my dad had moved in with his girlfriend, I could live there without being alone. And as her voice resonated through my closed door, I knew it, and it terrified me. But I couldn’t tell her that. Don’t show it. Don’t let her see your fear. You can’t let her win. That’s what caused my failure. My pride. I was too stubborn to understand that I was being kicked out of my own home. It was a competition to me and I needed to win. I didn’t realize that my desire to be in control is what caused me to fail in the end.

That night, I left my mom’s house to go live with my dad, and have lived with him for 3 years. Leaving my mom’s was one of the best things that has happened to me, in terms of fixing my character. I was happy and away from my mom, and at that point, that’s all I needed.

Originally, I appreciated living with my dad. His lackadaisical parenting style made it easy for me to do what I wanted when I wanted. I was on my own schedule and operated the way that I was comfortable with. I enjoyed not having many responsibilities, and my dad and I were getting along great, much better than my mom and I had. However, because my dad wasn’t giving me things to do, I began to lose track of my schedule. I began to fall behind on things in my life that I needed to do, and didn’t have anyone there to remind me to do them. I began to fall behind on school work because I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to. My free time was mostly spent playing video games or with friends, instead of being productive with chores or sports. Although I felt free, I was developing a mindset that could have destroyed my future. Luckily, I eventually realized what I was doing, and where it was coming from.

As I continued staying there I began to understand the mindset behind my mom’s way of parenting, the way that I had previously thought was controlling, excessive, and obnoxious. As I watched my dad and his girlfriend parent her kids, I was able to see how effective and necessary it was to be stern, tough and controlling as a parent. My now step-siblings were younger examples of the person I could have been if I didn’t realize the road I was going down. I saw bits of my life in theirs as they grew up without strict authority. I watched them fall behind in school the same way I was. And as I watched them have no respect for authority, I was disgusted, until I realized that I was the same way with my mom. That was when I understood that my mom was trying to fix the path I was on and set me straight. But instead of letting her parent me down the right path, I constantly turned my back to her, and while I was walking away from her, I was walking away from the future that I wanted.

Looking back at when I first moved in with my dad, I can see a distinct difference in the boy he was raising me to become, and the man that my mom desired me to be. It was as simple as that, man versus boy. I understand now that my mom was maturing me to be a gentleman that stayed true to his word, and stood up for who he was. Instead of teaching me to simply be nice to others, my mom taught me how to respect them. Living with my mom, I subconsciously learned to rely on myself, discovering that I am the only person who can take responsibility for my actions. Understanding the value of doing that has given me the integrity and work ethic I have today in school and in sports. Leaving my mom’s house made me the man I am today. I still live with my dad, but not because of my relationship with my mom. Now that I have learned to appreciate everything she has done, our relationship is at it’s best, and so am I.