For weeks I was happy then almost instantly my world flipped upside down again. I don’t know exactly what’s happened. Now I pace my room in tears, debating, battling thoughts. Trapped in depression’s earth shattering, life ending glass box. Those I hoped would always be there when I needed someone hurling rocks at me. Looking in the mirror becomes a struggle because all I see myself. Every flaw I seem to posses begins tearing the flesh from my bones until nothing remains but a skeleton. Bare bones, no happiness, no thoughts, no life, no friends, no passion. Scarcely sketching the portrait of a melancholy beauty. Puzzling my complex thoughts. Alone looking into this mirror as it shatters into a million pieces around me. The pieces on the floor reflecting the sky above. Now it’s just me, myself and I in this empty field. Thinking of all the possibilities of normalcy in this hectic messy world. Normalcy at this point doesn’t seem like an option for me simply because the craziness of my life is what makes me who I am meant to be. When life throws stones meant to break me, I analyze the new bruises and move on and work harder to better myself. Despite the fact that I will slip in and out of depression and the state of anxiety that is familiar to me. No matter how much I know I’m loved the anxiety is much louder than the voices of those I love. My mind is scattered like the mirrors remnants. The way the light reflects off the mirror on the ground the world begins to spin faster and faster as if nothing matters. All of a sudden it feels as if gravity is completely crashing down on me. My world no longer matters to anyone except myself. The world causes me to fall again bruising and battering any skin left on my bones. Then it happens, I smile and move on with my life in a way most wouldn’t.
Flesh from Bones
October 6, 2016