Throughout my life my father has been a truly good man at heart. He meant well and is one of the most generous people I’ve ever known. Beyond that, he is incredibly thoughtful and intelligent. However, his loving nature was swayed by the awful disease that is addiction. It has costed him his marriage, his dependability as a father, his health, and his freedom.
My father was incarcerated January 28th, 2015. He was given a 70 month sentence.
During that time, his absence absolutely crushed me. He had been clean for over a year when he was sentenced. During his period of sobriety he was the best father a kid could ask for. He helped me in any way he could to pursue my interests and passions. Whenever I was in need of anything I depended on him. He was always there.
When he left I fell into a deep fit of depression for about 2 months thereafter. You don't realize how someone affects you until they're gone. It got to a point where I had trouble finding reason to wake up everyday. I couldn't possibly get along without my father. Everything seemed to be different. It was a harsh contrast of living conditions at my mother’s house. It was so much more structured and I couldn't just do as I please.
It was during that time that I had lost all interest in doing anything that I had previously enjoyed. Skating was no longer fulfilling and fun like it used to be. Playing guitar was no longer interesting and I felt no desire to progress. It all hurt in a very profound way. Before any of this, these two things meant so much to me. They ruled my life. They were everything. I felt as if I had slumped into a deep depressive state that there was no escaping. Things only seemed to be getting worse and I dreaded being around anybody at that point. I turned to substances to cope despite my father’s substance abuse being a grim example of the effects. It seemed as if when I was sober I I couldn't enjoy anything but when I wasn't, everything was better. I was thoroughly convinced that it helped me and I put all my energy into acquiring a high. I was a my lowest point in my time of despair and I was doing nothing to help myself. My self destructive habits were only making things worse.
It wasn't long before I was caught. My mom soon found what I thought was my only source of happiness. It tore her apart. I had to watch her break down and it killed every moral fiber that I had left at that point. I had made a conscious decision that my choices not only affected my well being, but my friends’ and family’s. I came upon an agreement with myself that I'd cope with my problems the healthy way. I couldn't stand to hurt the people I cared about most.