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Who Am I? Who Am I Really?
When you’re in elementary school, there really isn’t much to worry about. Everyone seems to be friends, no complicated arguments or controversies. It seemed like a child’s own little Utopia. Everyone was nice to each other and really didn't worry about what made them special, just about what mom was making for lunch the next day. Then middle school rolled around. All of the sudden summer had ended and cliques were formed, people were judged, and friendships ended too. Slowly but surely, everyone had gone their own separate ways. We had all in a way… matured. With this new transition, you could notice people were changing and seemed to have their own unique, ‘quality.’ Some kids started sports, others joined activities outside of school, and the rest followed in their parents footsteps. They had all started creating their own unique, ‘identity.’
During middle school, I began to realize how important it was to be my own person and to start being unique. I constantly tried finding things that would set me apart from everyone else, trying to find things that would make me special. In a world with so many talented people, it was quite difficult. The only thing setting me apart from the rest of the kids during sixth grade was the fact that I had been enrolled in a taekwondo class and had become really good. Things like that didn't matter though, and quite frankly didn’t make me feel all that special.
One day during 6th grade though, I got a chance to stand apart from everyone else. I got a chance to show them I was different. It was the middle school talent show. “Hey dude, check this out,” I pointed out, “the school’s having a talent show! We should join!”
“And do what” responded one of my friends.
“Hey!! Maybe I can do what my sister did last year!” I continued.
“What’d she do?” he questioned.
“Well, she did this really cool taekwondo performance… I bet I could make one better and surprise the whole school!” I said extremely excited.
“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, but knock yourself out,” he had warned.
Weeks later, I realized my friend was right. As it turned out, another girl had decided to do a taekwondo act as well. Furthermore, most of the teachers had ended up comparing me to my sister after that as well. My plan had backfired and made me feel like my heart was pounding out of my chest. From then on I swore to myself I’d find something that made me unique. I’d find myself something that made me special. From then on I could see how most if not everyone had begun to find themselves.
It tried a lot of things from then on but only two seemed to really interest me for the long run. In 7th grade I had found something that really interested me. I started to play the electric guitar and even played excerpts from my favorite hit rock songs. When my chance at redemption came around for Fremont's 2014 talent show, I gathered my friends Steven, Ben, and Elias during lunch for an idea that changed my life. “Okay,” I swallowed the sandwich I had taken a bite of, “so I have an Idea for this year's talent show!!”
“Not this again,” my friend let out a sigh.
“Okay okay, hear me out! I play the guitar, you play the guitar…” I waited for someone to catch on to what I was saying.
“AND I PLAY THE DRUMS!” I was relieved that my another one of my buddies had started to catch on to what I was saying.
“I think I see what you’re saying, but we don't have a singer or a bass player,” interjected another friend of mine. He wasn’t wrong.
“What about you!!!” I said while pointing to one of my classmates, “You play piano which could make up for the bass… and you can sing too!” I wasn’t going to let a good idea go to waste, “We could play as a band, what do you guys think?” I nervously suggested. Everyone looked around, debating with their own selves whether or not this would be a good idea. Eventually, My buddy looked me in the eye and slowly said, “Alright, I think I can speak for all of us when I say, we’re in.” Throughout the next few weeks we prepared and rehearsed for the talent show. After countless difficulties we managed to play the song amazingly and while doing so, I fell in love with music. I had grown so close to it, it was as if I had become a grape vine just wrapping around music.
For the next few years I had come to have grown very fond of music. Although, not soon after, came along a new competitor. The film industry had also begun to inspire me as I found a YouTube Channel that went by the name of Film Riot. I started making videos seeing what I could do. Slowly but surely I learned tips and tricks on how to make my videos look better. Soon I started doing class projects as educational films. Eventually I started a YouTube Channel of my own and started uploading my videos there.
I always tried to upgrade my gear as well. It was super fun and the more I did it, the better my videos got. I had begun to understand what made movies so amazing and aspired to be able to direct movies or be some type of cinematographer. I imagined myself on a set just directing and being in charge of the next big blockbuster show or movie. I imagined going to school and studying how to become a filmmaker. The art just intrigued me so much and I was so surprised I hadn’t gotten into it before.
By the end of 8th grade I had two things that made me special, but two seemed like too much. My friends in the band loved music but I was stuck between music and filmmaking/video creating. It usually didn’t come between anything but It was always uncomfortable wanting to pursue video making but never getting the chance to pursue it because of my friends. It was always one or the other. They were two separate things.
Soon enough I arrived to high school. Classes were tougher, teachers left more homework, and more clubs and activities were available. That, was when I found my compromise. I had learned about a club that included everything I enjoyed about music as well as new things too. Theatre, an activity where there's singing dancing, and acting. From now on I have and continue to learn and pursue theatre. Theater is my compromise and it even leaves some extra time for guitar and video making on the side.
Since the beginning of highschool, I’ve found many different things that have helped me find my own identity. So many things that have shown me that I have started to mature into my own unique self. It hasn’t been that difficult finding my identity recently, but I still struggle accomplishing goals to achieve on my own. Soon I’ll be finished and happily studying my favorite things, the arts. In the end, it might be tough to find my own identity, but this marvelous journey just may last a whole entire lifetime.