In the beginning the world seemed dark and bare. I wasn’t really sure what to do, meaning should I run from my problems or should I stay and have no fear. It wasn’t easy being 12 years of age. Instead of using that over said metaphor of “Being lost in a rainbow” it was more like being in this dark black depressing cloud. I would look into a full size mirror and kept repeating the words that haunt me from the start of wearing makeup. I kept saying to myself that I’m so ugly, nobody likes you, and no guy will ever fall in love with you. Sometimes it came to that point where I was thinking suicidal thoughts, piece by piece those words that I said, I was looking deeply into my features noticing all of the flaws that made me who I was. With pimples on my chin that I thought seemed like boulders was really just a part of life to others. Looking at the small freckles on my nose and on my forehead felt like pieces of stuff others would through away. But my mom thought they were cute. What I’m trying to say is that those features on your face are beautiful and that’s what makes you, you! I wish I knew this before those dark times caved into me and broke me a part from almost every time I came home from dance or school. I used to hate going to sleepovers, what that meant to me was having to lock myself in the bathroom before my friend would get up so I could smother foundation and mascara on so my friend wouldn’t have to have seen what I consider the more ugly side of me. From age 11 I never would want to go out in public since I thought I wasn’t beautiful if I didn’t have on the beauty products that I thought were making me at least somewhat pretty. Now being 13 I still don’t like going out to show my bare face, but I did learn the lessons I taught myself and the kind words that other people taught me about having a face that is NOT ugly and NOT similar to others, I showed myself that I was beautiful and unique in my own way. I had to remember who I was and what made me, me. To all the girls and even boys out there, if you get discouraged about what you look like just remember there’s only one you, and how could only one you look ugly?
August 10, 2016