Lies! They were all lies! She can’t be dead, she just can’t be. These were the phrases that kept replaying in my 7 year old innocent mind as I watched the small, gloomy casket be let into the engulfing darkness of the wet ground. I knew people didn’t last forever but this was a special person. A person who will never leave my mind. She was the one who taught me how to jump rope in the driveway of her small, old-fashioned cabin like house. She was the one who I shared the most laughs with and the most memorable memories. Most people would say their most memorable memories lie with their families. But you see, she was my family.
Kayla Reynolds, a typical 7 year old girl. Typical meaning singing and jumping around like a lunatic with their best friend in their bedroom, having their very first sleepover, painting each others nails, and learning how to fly a kite. These were the things best resembled in Kayla’s life. Kayla was an only child at the time, her mother expecting their 2nd. The only non-typical thing about Kayla is her illness. Kayla was born along with her best friend Samantha. Kayla and Samantha’s mothers were really close friends ever since they were really young and always were in touch through each others lives. They both found out they were pregnant together, not on the same day but within the same month. Little did they know that their baby girls were going to be born on the same day. Samantha was the first one born, healthy and glowing with the fresh newborn baby look. Kayla following 3 hours after her mother Christina was there to see the birth of Samantha. Samantha Anne was born at 1:07 pm and Kayla Lynn born at 4:13 pm. Although Kayla was expected to be healthy, she was unfortunately not. Kayla Lynn was diagnosed with stage 1 leukemia within just hours of her arrival.

Growing up, Kayla developed normally. The only difference was she had leukemia and spent most of her younger years in the hospital. The doctors put her in chemo at 2 weeks old. The reason they didn’t start within days of her birth is because she was too fragile. Even at 2 weeks she was fragile, but she had gotten the hang of figuring out her surroundings. At the age of 1 Kayla’s doctor announced she was clear, meaning that the chemo treatment had been successful and she was not free to leave the hospital. Kayla spent a little of her first year on earth in the hospital. She celebrated her 1st birthday there, said her first words, learned to crawl and walk, all in the room she was assigned to after her birth. Samantha(or as she was called Sam, nickname given by Kayla) and her mom(Kathy) visited daily.

By the age of 6 Kayla had been diagnosed with stage 2 leukemia. Even though stage 1 of her leukemia has been treated and cured, the disease came back, but stronger. Sam’s family along with themselves were on Christmas break and they were enjoying it in Walt Disney World. Kayla and Sam were dressed up like their favorite princesses ready for Magic Kingdom. About 3 hours into the journey, the girl’s mothers took them on the teacup ride. Kayla had been begging to go on this ride.  During the little trec to the ride, Kayla collapses unexpectedly. Sam’s mom called the local hospital and Kayla was rushed there with a clinging Sam by her side. “Don’t let her go, don’t let her go.” Sam repeated over and over to her mother who had finally gotten her to release Kayla to go into treatment.

During this time that Kayla was in her treatment surgery, Christina sat anxiously awaiting word about her little girl. I remember the doctor’s words exactly when he came out of the room the had been performing surgery on Kayla. As the doctor came out I clung to my mother for dear life. Kayla’s mommy and daddy met the doctor to receive word about their daughter. Kayla’s mommy’s face went from anxious to extremely devastated within two minutes. The doctor had said Kayla died while on the operating table. When she collapsed and important heart artery burst and it bled out and they didn’t get to it in time. Kayla being already at stage two leukemia didn’t help the matter.         

Memories of Kayla overwhelmed my brain and she couldn’t help but cry uncontrollably into her mother’s arms. Kayla had always said that she wanted to be a ballerina. She wanted to dance on her tippy toes in the pretty pink shoes and have the fluffiest tutu seen around her waist. Kayla thought that if she was a ballerina she could float right out of her disease. I remember her asking her mommy something at lunch one day. “Mommy? When will I feel better?” Her mother’s response was always the same, “I don’t know pumpkin. Maggie(the nurse) is going to give you new medicine to make you feel better soon.”
I remember the day of the funeral very clearly. It was the worst day of my life.

Flashback...

Going to a funeral is sad.  Going to a child's funeral is just wrong on every level.  Will we leave here sad and grieving and maybe even a little bit mad at God?  Probably. The people that are gathered here today are here to support this family that is grieving. As the minister spoke I zoned out. Tears welled in my eyes as a familiar song came to mind that was Kayla and my favorite song. As I stared at the smooth, shiny, black casket laid ready to go into the engulfing darkness of the wet ground, the lyrics started to tune out the minister.

  “Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops”…

This little girl… Kayla, was a blessing to all of you here today. Death of a loved one is always a cause for grief. However, when a child dies, there is a sadness that goes beyond normal grief. When a baby passes, who has not even had the chance to experience life, his death seems meaningless. You might ask yourself, ‘If this child was meant to die, why did she even come to this earth?’

“What if Your healing comes through tears”…

It is right and natural that we should grieve, because sorrow is a reflection and measure of the love, the happiness and the intimacy we shared with the one who has gone. In a way too we grieve for ourselves, because we know that our own lives will never be the same without Kayla.

“What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you’re near…”

End of Flashback
I remember my daddy lifting me to look into the black casket that held my best friend. I wanted her to be alive again. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to play dress-up and have dance parties in our bedrooms. I just wanted my friend back and the saddest part was… I would never get her back again.